I refuse to go to the Houston Bowl. That’s right, I am boycotting. This is just flatly unacceptable. Last week I bought a plane ticket to San Diego just to show Dan McCarney how unhappy I am with his team’s performance this season. Yep, I spent $800 and will attend the Holiday Bowl in protest. Take that, Ev1.net Houston Bowl. Take that right in the groin. By the way, Ev1 stands for “Everyone’s Internet,” which is a really lame slogan that you would find on personalized license plates, one of which I saw the other day “GR8 DAY.” It’s not a great day. It’s cloudy, slushy and Kyle Orton is the quarterback of a playoff team. I can’t stand those things.

Houston, you and your fourth largest city in the country, won’t get my tourist dollars. Nope, my spending capacity is now a fan of the Oklahoma Sooners. I love Adrian Peterson! Houston, you and your modernized Reliant football stadium, with beautifully manicured grass and pleasant amenities won’t see my face. I’m happy with San Diego’s run-down facility that was built in the ’70s. I’m old-school like that.

Houston, you and your nice, plush night-clubs full of good-looking folks that say, “Y’all Cyclones better win” and “Y’all from Iowa are real smart” won’t have any conversations with me. I’m going to the zoo in San Diego and talking to the giraffes.

Houston, it’s your fault. All your fault.

Why would I want to go to a city where I would have an awesome New Year’s and meet some of Beyonce’s relatives? Everyone knows New Year’s on Welch Avenue is much superior in extravagance.

Why would I go to a game where I can watch Iowa State play in front of dozens of potential recruits that live in the Houston area? I could care less about the future.

And, TCU is just a crappy Mountain West team with a nickname that will generate several references to the word “horny.” Resist the temptation. Plus, everyone knows the real “horny” is former Cyclone Jeff Hornacek.

TCU is no good at all. They are only 14th in the nation. C’mon Horned Frogs, I’d like a challenge. They claim they have only lost one game this season and won at Oklahoma. Yeah, big deal, they are no Miami of Ohio. So, they went undefeated in conference play. Texas and USC did too and everyone knows the Longhorns and Trojans aren’t very good. Oh, LaDainian Tomlinson went to your school? He’s no Troy Davis. Troy Davis has had a much better Canadian Football League career than LT. I’m not impressed.

I see no reason to go to this game. Goodness sakes, this is Iowa State’s ninth ever bowl game. I’m getting tired of them. Our football tradition is clearly equal to the Notre Dame’s and Michigan’s of the world, and their fans wouldn’t travel to Houston. So why should I?

Yeah, I could support one of the best senior classes in ISU history for the last time. I could see them win their last game in grand fashion. I could celebrate with a team that wasn’t even thinking about a bowl game a month and a half ago. But, I’d rather talk to giraffes.

Screw it, I’m there. Houston, here I come.

– Brent Blum is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.