Well, we just had that good old holiday filled with spooks, ghouls and thong-wearing nurses again. And because I drank too much from the pumpkin-shaped punch bowl last night, I decided, in my current state, that I will pass the reins along to my good friend Dr. Jekyll, Ph.D., to give you some important health considerations during your future gore-a-thons. Dr. J, take it away…

Good day, my frisky little coeds and animals. My name is Dr. Jekyll. Today we will be discussing those little twangs and tweaks you feel while watching your favorite moving pictures of the macabre, explicit and delightfully evil.

We all know these movies are the perfect way for you and your sweet little something to cuddle up together and shiver with fright. Even so, we must ask ourselves what is truly causing us to grimace besides your man’s little advances during the tensest moments.

Many of the horror pictures out there today implement the use of anxiety, shock and extended periods of heightened tension to get the best of you and make your movie-going experience all the more frightful. What’s so bad about some hellish stimuli you ask? Well, perhaps on a moderate level, a ghoul here and decapitation there is for good fun when the lights go off.

Over time, however, extensive exposure to these highly aggravating states may begin to take a toll on your body. Studies of men’s health have shown there is a high correlation between high amounts of stress (that moment when you’re yelling for that foolish blonde to run the other way) and an increase in risk of heart failure and abnormal rhythms, therefore being more prone to a cardiac-related demise.

And don’t think Grim’s hand has forgotten you, young ladies – all that time you secretly chuckle when Paris Hilton’s size two becomes a piece of plumbing, your bodies are taking on higher amounts of stress, making you more likely to die from any number of ailments.

Have comfort, though. There is hope yet in the thrills that our good friends Jason and Freddy Krueger send down our spines. The heightened senses, raised blood pressure and increased heart rate we may experience sets our bodies into an increased sense of arousal – of our physiology that is.

As our tension levels increase, we connect our heightened anticipation to those around us, possibly that lucky date of yours. If nothing puts you in the mood more than a couple hours of teen naivety and serial murder, you might not need that naughty cop costume after all.

Now that the blood is pumping through your veins, your heart is beating faster, your palms are clammy and the sound of a footstep could set you off, you seem to be in the perfect state to have your knickers scared off.

It can be burdensome being a doctor, even one with my creative license – always having to warn others about possible adverse effects.

But without a good scare now and then, how interesting could life really be?

My rantings are only advice for you slasher fans out there to make informed decisions. Take it either way – you could be avoiding a possible danger or you could be missing out on something even Wes Craven would be afraid to put on camera.

– Alex Switzer is a senior in journalism and mass communication from Shelburne, Vt.