This week is the best band names of all time; next week will be its counterpart, the worst band names of all time. Before getting to the actual list, some guidelines need to be set:

First, I tried to keep everything pretty mainstream. There are a lot of really obscure bands out there with some great names (and some with absolutely horrendous names), but what would be the point of listing bands no one (including myself, until I started researching this list) has ever heard of. Some of these gems floating in obscurity include Penis Flytrap, Nate Nocturnal and the Nightly Emissions and Japancakes.

Second, one thing that qualifies a great band name is one that captures the essence of the band. Sometimes a band, its music and its name unite to form one entity – the band is the name, the name is the music, the music is the name and the name is the band. This means the name is instantly recognizable and associated with that particular band and that particular kind of music. This isn’t necessarily true in all cases, especially for the aforementioned obscure bands with great names that haven’t yet made it to the mainstream (and perhaps never will, lest they lose the flare that goes with their names).

Third, the band doesn’t have to be good for it to have a great name (see: Frankie Goes to Hollywood), although there is a lot of overlap – and there’s even more overlap when it comes to bad names/ bad bands.

Last, to be a great band name, a moniker need only achieve what Billy Crudup’s character requested from Patrick Fugit’s character in “Almost Famous”: “Just make us look cool.”

1.) The Band

The Band teeters on the line between simplicity and brash arrogance, and does so in a way that people would never call them unoriginal for naming the band the Band. The members of the Band actually didn’t have very much to do with their name, anyway – it was thrust upon them when they were touring with Bob Dylan on his 1965-66 world tour and it stuck.

2.) The Velvet Underground

For their name, singer Lou Reed and guitarist Sterling Morrison used the title of a book about sadomasochism that their friend found lying in the street. The dark name would represent the dark tone and controversial subject matter of many of the Underground’s songs to come – sadomasochism, homosexuality, heroin addiction, etc.

3.) Public Enemy

This is the band name that most closely represents its band and the band’s music. With album titles such as “Fear of a Black Planet” and “It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back,” and song titles such as “911 is a Joke,” “Prophets of Rage” and “Burn Hollywood Burn,” Public Enemy solidified itself as the foremost anti-establishment group in any music genre.

4.) The Who

The Who’s title, which, according to rumors originally had a question mark after it, is a rare show of modesty by the hardest-rocking band ever. At the end of nearly every show through the time of “Tommy” in 1969, Pete Townshend and John Entwistle would smash their guitars and Keith Moon would blow up his drum kit – occasionally with a concussion bomb.

5.) … And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead

… And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead gets its name from an ancient Mayan ritual chant. The critically acclaimed indie rockers have taken a cue from the Who and regularly smash all of their equipment at the end of their live shows. So … And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Broken Fenders might be a more accurate name.

6.) The Sex Pistols

Thank God the Pistols went with this penile euphemism for their name (which was trimmed down from the original name, QT Jones and his Sex Pistols). Among the names Sid Vicious, Johnny Rotten, Steve Jones and Paul Cook were trying to decide on were the embarrassingly awful Subterraneans, Beyond, Teenage Novel and Le Bomb.

7.) The Flaming Lips

Is it a band? Is it a side effect of herpes? Is it homosexual innuendo? Who knows. It doesn’t really matter, though – the name is awesome and the band has endured for more than 20 years despite moderate commercial success (although it has received huge critical success). The off-the-wall name carries through to the band’s albums and songs, as well – who else would name an album and a two-part epic “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots”?

8.) Mott the Hoople

Mott the Hoople took its name from the 1966 book of the same name by Willard Manus, about a typical 1960s free spirit named Norman Mott who gets himself into some comic misadventures. That’s great and everything, but I still have no idea what the hell a hoople is.

9.) Nirvana

The name Nirvana was originally used by an obscure British band in the late 1960s and early 1970s, but that band is of little consequence. For all practical purposes, Kurt Cobain, Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic lay claim to the name, and the fact that “Nevermind” went diamond (10 million copies sold in the United States alone) is all the evidence I need.

10.) Dead Kennedys

The name may be in poor taste and may be borderline inappropriate, but it leaves no question what kind of band it is and what kind of music it plays. But I forgive the Dead Kennedys for its politically incorrect name because, as a friend of mine always says, funny trumps mean every time – and so does great music.

Runners up

Handsome Boy Modeling School; the Rolling Stones; Stone Temple Pilots; Tenacious D; Frankie Goes to Hollywood; Strawberry Alarmclock; the Grateful Dead