Hopefully everyone put the Cyclone bye week to good use. I used the time off to catch up on some sleep and discover Vince Young is the most unstoppable athlete in a video game since Jerry Rice in Tecmo Super Bowl.

But, to serve my loyal readership, I came up with some keys for ISU to crash the BCS party with some help from my friends Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, infamous stars of the movie “Wedding Crashers.”

“I was first team all-state. I can put the ball anywhere I want to. I’ll make it rain out here.”

Bret Meyer needs to continue to excel with the poise and efficiency we have come to appreciate. He doesn’t have to be Seneca Wallace. Seneca taught us even if you put up eight million yards of offense and look like the second coming, turnovers will eventually destroy you. If Meyer keeps the ball under wraps and plays his game, good things will happen.

“They built for speed or for comfort? What’d you do? You motorboat ’em?”

The ISU defense is the strength of the team. Much like Ohio State in 2002, they have enough ability to carry the Cyclones to new heights, without having an explosive offense. Additions Jason Berryman, Adam Carper, and Alvin Bowen transform a good defense from a year ago to a lethal, explosive Wesley-Snipes-in-“Blade”-like one.

But, the Cyclones can’t leave them on the field the entire game. The secondary is still short on depth and Iowa State hasn’t faced a sophisticated passing attack yet. Sorry, a concussed Drew Tate doesn’t qualify. Nobody is answering my question why Tate didn’t receive a spearing penalty?

“Lock it up! No, you lock it up!!”

I think we all know what needs to be ‘locked up.’ I’m not positive, but I vaguely remember hearing a woman in her 90s verbally assault Tony Yelk after his extra point attempt ricocheted off of the goal post against Iowa.

By the way, if that ball doesn’t strike the left post, I’m 99.8 percent sure it kills someone in the Jacobson Building. That thing was traveling at a ridiculously high rate of speed. So, thank you for saving lives Tony. Unlike some, I have great confidence in the kicking game. (Positive reinforcement, folks.)

“I’d like to be cowboys from Texas or pimps from Oakland, but it’s not Halloween.”

The Cyclones must realize they haven’t won anything yet. They definitely aren’t a national power. Sure, beating Iowa is fun, but it gets old. Army scares me. It’s one of those games you look back on and say, “Why the heck did Iowa State play Army?” Kind of like the Connecticut game three years ago. Bad thoughts.

“Do you want to watch me with another girl? How about those Brazilian twins we met at the ball game?”

Iowa State can’t look ahead. I hate the trap game phrase, but Baylor just beat Army and Nebraska is next week. Plus, the Cyclones are 3-15-1 in road games when they are ranked, and Iowa State has never been favored by more than 10 points on the road – ever. (They are favored by 19 Friday! 19!) I hit myself in the face for taking time to find those nuggets.

“Rule No. 76: No excuses. Play like a champion!”

– Brent Blum is a junior in journalism and mass communication from Urbandale.