Welcome back to my weekly picks column, live from your copy of the Iowa State Daily. Yes, I know this is the second time this week you’ve had to wade through 30 inches of my mindless babble, but I promise after today it will only be once a week.

Now down to business. The Big 12 decided to take the nonconference season off this year. There’s really only two games worth watching, Colorado at Miami and Texas at Ohio State. Colorado-Colorado State and Iowa-Iowa State also make the list, but those are contracted every year. Now for the picks, if you can call them that.

TCU at No. 7 OKLAHOMA

The Sooners meet one of the dumber-nicknamed teams in Division 1 -A football when the Horned Frogs of Texas Christian come to town. TCU was once the flavor of the month among mid-majors to crack the BCS, but the Frogs slipped back into mediocrity last year. The Sooners need a couple of tune-ups while they break in a new quarterback, and this should suffice. Look for TCU to make a game of it for a quarter or so, but Oklahoma will explode out of the gate in the third and cracks the 60-point mark.

The pick: Oklahoma

ARKANSAS STATE VS. MISSOURI (at Kansas City)

Look for the re-emergence of Brad Smith in this one as the Tigers hang 70 on a trendy pick to finally knock off North Texas for the Sun Belt title. This could be the last year for Mizzou coach Gary Pinkel if he can’t deliver the North crown, so look for the Tigers to try to get things rolling right away.

The pick: Missouri

FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL at KANSAS STATE

Um. Well, Kansas State will at least come out of this game looking like the USC of the Midwest. FIU went 3-7 against the likes of Western Kentucky, Youngstown State and Georgia Southern. So, yeah, there’s no point to write about this game anymore.

The pick: Kansas State

ILLINOIS STATE at IOWA STATE

The 1-AA Redbirds come into Ames as the Cyclones’ tune-up for a fierce rivalry game next week. Expect very vanilla play calling in this one. No sense in tipping the Hawkeyes as to what’s going on. The Cyclones will take a comfortable 31-0 lead into halftime and pull the starters for the second half. Oh yeah, Bret Meyer and Todd Blythe will play the game inside plastic bubbles which will provide for a little entertainment.

The pick: Iowa State

MAINE at NEBRASKA

Well I’m running out of ways to diagram these blowouts and I have deep-rooted hatred for Nebraska, so let’s all hope Husker junior college transfer Zac Taylor is no better than Joe Dailey was at quarterback. Let’s hope he throws eight interceptions and the Black Bears win it. Unfortunately, that won’t happen. But wait, Husker fans. This just in … Texas Tech just scored AGAIN. Oooh, zing!

The pick: Nebraska

MONTANA STATE at OKLAHOMA STATE

This game gives the new coaching staff time to settle in for the Cowboys.

Look for Oklahoma State to try to figure out what its strengths are offense and who the go-to guys will be. The Cowboys are probably the team that needs a tune-up like this.

The Pick: Oklahoma State

FLORIDA ATLANTIC at KANSAS

Just how many teams can the state of Florida field, anyway? They have enough to supply two conferences.

Kansas absolutely must go 3-0 in the non-conference to have a shot at a bowl, and they’ll blow away the hapless Owls of Florida Atlantic faster than Jayhawk coach Mark Mangino can say, “I’ll take seven double quarter-pounders with cheese.”

The Pick: Kansas

No. 17 TEXAS A&M at CLEMSON

I applaud the Aggies for going on the road to a legitimate school and playing a game. Well done. It’s tough to start on the road, especially against a team like Clemson, also trying to get off to a great start. Tommy Bowden always seems to be a game away from getting fired, partly because he can’t come up with big wins, like this one would be.

The Aggies are still a year away from winning the South, but they’re better than Clemson and should feel like they let one get away if they don’t win.

The Pick: Texas A&M

BAYLOR @ SMU

How bad does your program have to be before I’ll pick you to lose to Baylor? At home. Apparently SMU bad. The Mustangs followed a winless 2003 season with … forget it. This game is a joke. If you can find a satellite dish that’ll agree to carry it, you can watch it, but don’t blame me if you poke your eyes out in an attempt to make it stop.

The pick: Baylor

UPSET WATCH: COLORADO STATE at COLORADO

Colorado earns the right to be put on this week’s upset watch with its usually nasty rivalry with Colorado State. The once-dominate Rams followed up a 10-win season in 2002 with a 7-6 campaign in 2003 and only four wins last year. Although Colorado State doesn’t figure to be terribly improved from last year’s performance, the team has beaten better Colorado teams in the past. The Rams will give Colorado fits, but the Buffs escape with a three-point win.

The pick: Colorado

LAUGHER OF THE WEEK: LOUISIANA LAFAYETTE at No. 2 TEXAS

Enjoy it while you can Baylor, because the way I see it, you’ll get to know this spot quite well this season. All kidding aside, this game has no point. The Ragin’ Cajuns won’t score unless Texas lets them, and if the ’Horns feel like it, they could easily lay 80 on this team. Lafayette gets to get out of hurricane-ravaged Louisiana, and that’s the only plus I can find in playing this game for them

The pick: Texas

And now it’s time for everyone’s favorite part of the column, the “Only in Division 1-AA” Phenomenon of the Week.

Illinois State coach Denver Johnson obviously shares his first name with the capital of Colorado — that being Denver.

Did you know, however, that not a single one of the 119 Division I -A head coaches share their names with state capitals?

Something to ponder until next week.