The best of the made up
August 31, 2005
This week, we’re tackling the best fictional bands of all time – bands that appeared in TV shows and movies and were spawned from other, slightly more real bands. Some of them are obvious choices and some of them are technically not “made up,” but all of them are cool in their own right, whether it’s because they actually had good music or just for nostalgia.
We hope you enjoy.
1. Spinal Tap; “This is Spinal Tap”
It’s the obvious choice, but for good reasons. Spinal Tap sits atop the throne of the whole fake-band kingdom. “This is Spinal Tap” centers around a “documentary” done by fake director Marty DiBergi (played by fatty-foods enthusiast Rob Reiner) on fictional ’80s hair-metal band Spinal Tap. The fake band is so real, however, that it released an album in 1992, which included guest musicians Jeff Beck, Cher and Slash; turned out a home video, “The Return of Spinal Tap,” also in 1992; and launched a tour in 2001.
2. Stillwater; “Almost Famous”
Admit it – when you first saw “Almost Famous,” you thought Stillwater was a real band. The band’s music, written by director Cameron Crowe and his wife Nancy Wilson (of ’80s band Heart), is so good, it’s too bad Stillwater isn’t real – they could have rocked the mustaches off of Deep Purple. Plus, their lead guitarist is a “golden god.”
3. The Blues Brothers
The Blues Brothers started as a sketch on Saturday Night Live with Dan Akroyd and John Belushi in 1976. The pair cut an album, “Briefcase Full of Blues,” in 1978 and opened for The Grateful Dead before launching their own tour in 1979. Before their run together ended in 1982, due to Belushi’s insatiable appetite for speedballs, the duo had four top-40 singles, another album – 1981’s “Made in America” – and an entire movie to themselves. All of this was completely crapped on, however, with the release of “Blues Brothers 2000.”
4. Wyld Stallyns; “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”
Finally, a role that required Keanu Reeves to sound completely stoned all the time. I’m sure Reeves would give up his fame and fortune, and Alex Winter, who played Bill, would give up … umm … whatever it is he’s doing now, to realize Wyld Stallyns biggest dream – opening for Iron Maiden. By the way, San Dimas High School football rules!
5. Damn Yankees
OK, so it’s another real band. But come on. It’s a self-proclaimed “super group,” but its members are a guy from Night Ranger, the drummer from Styx, a guy no one has ever heard of and Ted freaking Nugent.
6. Zack Attack; “Saved by the Bell”
In a world where an entire group of friends randomly moves from Indiana to Southern California; two students leave school and are replaced in their former group of friends – with no explanation – by a rough-around-the-edges biker girl, only to have those students return later that year for graduation, again with no explanation; a guy can actually pause real life, presumably only because he’s good looking; and Dustin Diamond can hook up with Tori Spelling, it probably makes sense that people who have zero musical talent and even less stage presence can perform at school dances and churn out hits like “Friends Forever.”
7. Dudez a Plenti; “Late Night with Conan O’Brien”
Conan, in neurotic drill sergeant form, starts a boy band, rewarding the members with delicious Ritz crackers for everything they do right. After writing a song based on the word baby and choreographing dance moves O-Town-style, the band comes out with the song “Baby, I Wish You Were My Baby,” which actually has the lyrics, “Baby, I wish you were my baby/ I’ll make you make a baby.”
8. Jesse and the Rippers; “Full House”
Jesse struggled to find musical success for the entire run of “Full House.” All it took, however, was a collaboration with real-life Beach Boys Mike Love and Bruce Johnston for the band’s song “Forever” to rocket up the charts – in Japan. Although the band didn’t have much success stateside, Jesse was able to dig “Forever” out of the attic and recycle it for something – his wedding to that chick from “Summerland.”
9. Ali G; “Da Ali G Show”
The music takes a backseat to comedy on “Da Ali G Show,” but Ali G, played by British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, is a self-proclaimed wigga-rapper. He travels the world interviewing clueless celebrities, billionaires and world leaders, all the while confusing them with off-the-wall questions and nonsensical raps.
10. The Monkees
In 1965, a pair of TV producers had an idea: Rip off the Beatles as closely as possible. They put an ad in “Variety” magazine looking for hip youngsters to star in a music-based TV show and hired four Beatles doppelgangers – Davy Jones, Micky Dolenz, Mike Nesmith and Peter Tork. Despite not writing their own music or playing their own instruments, the members of the Monkees had 11 songs reach the top 40, essentially spawning the boy-band craze that would suck the will to live out of anyone who knows anything about music 30 years later.
11. School of Rock
Despite being an extremely watered-down AC/DC – from the schoolboy uniforms to the lyrics for the band’s big song (some of them are nearly verbatim from “Highway to Hell”) – this band can rock. Jack Black’s library of knowledge on classic rock is a plus, as well.
12. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, The Beatles
Is it an album? Yes. Is it a band? Sort of. Is it the most insanely acid-fueled thing the music world has ever seen? Definitely (except for maybe Dark Side of the Moon). Despite this being the Beatles’ weakest release and probably the dumbest album title of all time, it still rocks. Keep in mind that weak by the Beatles’ standards is pretty good by most other bands’ standards. Also, don’t confuse the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper with the 1978 movie starring Peter Frampton and Aerosmith, which had nothing to do with the Beatles and, by the way, completely sucked.
13. The Partridge Family; “The Partridge Family”
The family band that toured the countryside miming chords and mouthing lyrics was actually not bad. The 1970 song “I Think I Love You” hit No. 1 on the charts, not to mention that David Cassidy was sooo dreamy – too bad he was completely devoid of talent and threw his career away when he left the show. We’re anxiously awaiting his inevitable appearance on “The Surreal Life.”
14. CB4; “CB4”
Not only is CB4 a rap group from a movie, but the group is completely contrived in the movie, as well. The rappers’ toughness and hardcore gangsta lyrics are all a front to make themselves seem like badasses, a ruse that is discovered when the real MC Gusto, whence Chris Rock’s character stole his stage name, gets out of prison and comes after the group.
15. Milli Vanilli
Although technically a real group, Milli Vanilli is faker than Jenna Jameson’s – well, you see where we’re going with this. Everyone knows the story: A pop duo releases an album, wins a Grammy for it, it’s discovered they lip-synced all of their music and the Grammy is stripped. It’s kind of like the Ashlee Simpson story, but with better music and more success.
Runners up
Limozeen, Strongbad E-mail; Barry Jive and the Uptown Five, “High Fidelity”; The Beets, “Doug”; Crucial Taunt, “Wayne’s World”; Faith + 1, “South Park”; Jem and the Holograms, “Jem!”; Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, “The Muppet Show”; The Soggy Bottom Boys, “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”