So, I’m assuming by now we’re all aware of the national tragedy that’s been unleashed upon us in this last week. Needless to say, it has caused quite an uproar within the media, who has given it almost endless coverage and are acting as if they didn’t know it was coming.

I don’t know why we’re acting so shocked or even so surprised – we’ve known about this thing for about nine months. We watched it grow from just a little inconsistency through the screens of our equipment and tracked its growth until it finally hit and left us where we are today – in ruin.

If you haven’t figured out what I’m talking about by now, I’ll spell it out for you – Sean Preston Spears Federline.

Yes, America’s favorite faux white trash couple have finally done what poorly matched celebrity couples do best – procreate. Of course, that’s what we expected. Here’s what we did not: More people seem to be up-to-date on the condition of the trailer-trash prince than the drama unfolding across the country on the other coast.

I’m no expert on the birth statistics of this country, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that last Wednesday marked the births of more than a couple little boys and girls. So why let little Preston dominate all the headlines?

The attention he’s been getting is out of control. I think this has been a long time coming, but perhaps it was me just being naive and I didn’t realize to what extent this thing had grown. Almost every newspaper or news show I had the chance to see during the second half of the week was all over the event, treating it like it was the second coming of Katrina – and if you were reading the tabloids it more closely resembled the second coming of Christ.

But I kept asking myself, why? Why, why, why? Why draw out a simple mention that Britney Spears had a son into a full blown story?

The drama. Oh, the drama. It’s what our culture loves best – any chance to pick apart the lives of others in the comfort of our own homes is the new apple pie and we’re shamelessly eating it as if it was carb-free.

We are a culture that thrives on knowing minute-by-minute updates about the lives of the people we secretly wish we were. All so that we can be there to throw in our two cents to anyone who will listen.

Having an opinion on the national deficit or the war in Iraq is hard, it takes time, research and intelligence. But a debate about whether Mr. and Mrs. Spears will make good parents is easy, there’s no fact – just opinion. Let’s not forget that talking about the lives of the more fortunate is great therapy. We can condemn them for all their faults and make ourselves saints by comparison, and who doesn’t like feeling like a saint?

Sure, celebs can promote some poor morals and unhealthy lifestyles, but that’s too deep for most of us – no, the real reason we like to tear them apart is simply because we are jealous. That’s right, jealous. Sure, we can condemn Colin Farrell for having sex with a Playboy playmate; Courtney Love for living a non-stop party; or Angelina Jolie for breaking up Brad and Jen, but let’s get real.

We don’t disagree with what they did – we’re just pissed we weren’t involved. Having sex with playmates, doing drugs and being seduced by bombshells are what we want out of life and we’ll curse the name of everyone who has it until we’re just as wasted as they are.

So, big deal that Britney is a mom, good for her and good luck, but please let’s focus on things that are actually important or interesting – at least because we’re not stupid. Why would we waste our time on those who truly are? See what I mean?

– Dante Sacomani is a junior in journalism and mass communications from St. Charles, Ill. He is also the Pulse editor for the Daily.