Finally, college football has arrived. After a long offseason we can feast on the televised buffet of games for the next four months. Mmmm, buffet.

Watching the games is a mere formality as contained in this weekly column, I will tell you exactly who will win. So, prepare for awe-inspiring accuracy and clever wit as I preview the Big 12 Conference.

After a close vote by Big 12 athletic directors, the North Division narrowly avoided being renamed the Poor Sisters of the South, following their 0-15 record against southern teams not named Baylor. Regardless, here is how the North shakes out.

Contenders:

1 (tie). NEBRASKA. Everyone except Lincolnites agreed the best part of last year’s bowl season was the fact that Nebraska wasn’t involved. Unfortunately, the Huskers will return to a bowl this year. A competent QB in JUCO transfer Zac Taylor will be nice and the offense has had another year to learn the system. Not having to play a road game until Oct. 15 is downright sinful, and even then it’s just Baylor. The Huskers start 3-1 in the conference, but can they find two wins in their last four to seal the deal? Four of six on the road to end the season could doom Nebraska.

1 (tie). IOWA STATE. Missed opportunities cost Iowa State the outright North crown last year. But with 1,000-yard rusher Stevie Hicks, QB Bret Meyer and a talented receiving corps, they’ll be right there again. Mega-leg Tony Yelk will at least improve the kicking game, but the rest of the division improved, too, so there’s no room for error. It’s not entirely possible the schedule could alternate wins and losses all year, but if the Cyclones can get out of Lincoln with a win ƒ%ÿ- Iowa State’s first there since 1977 – move the Cyclones to the top spot.

Pretenders:

3 (tie). KANSAS STATE. The Wildcats are continuing with the improvement theme. Darren Sproles is gone, but decent depth at running back and a more experienced defense will ease the loss. Nobody really knows what happened to the Wildcats last year, so who knows what will happen this year. Any potential late season push for Houston is crippled by road games at Iowa State and Nebraska.

3 (tie). COLORADO. After making it to Houston last year, basically by default, the Buffaloes will look to earn it this year. A tough opening in Big 12 play will slow the Buffaloes, but if the offense can replace Bobby Purify and the defensive backs actually look like they exist, Colorado might make a late run in the improving North. Colorado State and a road game at Miami – the of the Florida variety – could be two quick losses. Follow that with road games at Oklahoma State and Texas, with a home date against Texas A&M sandwiched between, will put the Buffaloes at 0-3 in conference play and too big of a hole to repeat in the North.

3 (tie). MISSOURI. This is the Tigers’ year. No seriously, it is. Or at least the Tigers should win the North (just like last year), but, Gary Pinkel is still coaching and he took Brad Smith from Heisman candidate to mediocre in one season. Even though they said they will use Smith properly this year and let him run, this program showed it lacks the killer instinct needed for championships when it ran and hid from their four-game series with Iowa set to begin this fall.

Wake me up in time for basketball:

6. KANSAS. The Jayhawks have three easy wins right out of the gate needing only three conference wins for a bowl trip. Unfortunately for the Fighting Manginos, potential win number six won’t come until a Cyclone team fighting for a championship rolls into Manhattan. No bowl.

The South is a mirror image of the North as far as crowding at the top goes, but I’d be bold and say they’re getting a little more publicity.

Contenders:

1. (tie) TEXAS TECH. You can’t write a picks column if you don’t have the guts to go out on a limb and make a bold one. After becoming my second favorite team by hanging 70 on Nebraska last year, Mike Leach has his best Red Raider defense – which means its average at best to everyone else. A wild 154-148 win over Texas will go down as the game of the year, but Oklahoma has Texas Tech’s number and can out-scheme the gimmicky offense, effectively ending Cinderella’s dream and avoiding another BCS title game disaster.

1. (tie) TEXAS. The Longhorns are a team everyone’s talking about and rightfully so. Vince Young is the one of the most exciting players in college football and even Mack Brown can’t keep this collection of talent from finally beating Oklahoma. Going to Columbus for a game with Ohio State will make it a tricky non-conference season, but Texas will definitely fall to Texas Tech and lose the South crown again.

Pretenders.

3. OKLAHOMA. Yes, that Oklahoma. Jason White, a receiving corps decimated by graduation and two of the anchors on the o-line are all gone. The secondary was suspect at times last year, non-existent at others and two new safeties need to be broken in. Am I overreacting? Probably.

4. TEXAS A&M. The Aggies showed us promise last year, plus how those nifty one-point safeties work. Then they lost to Baylor. Starting on the road at Clemson won’t be fun, but if the defense learned anything from the Tennessee debacle last year A&M could be a very dangerous team. A ridiculous stretch run with three games at both Texas Tech and Oklahoma and home with Texas Regular squashes BCS at-large hopes after a fast start.

5. OKLAHOMA STATE. The departure of Les Miles and the coaching staff hurts. The departure of 1,500 rush yards in Vernand Morency hurts. A new coaching staff and an offense unsure of its identity hurts. Yada yada yada, down year for the Cowboys.

Who’s playing football? What’s a football?

6. BAYLOR. Well, you know its bad when the Kansas City Royals are winning more often than you are. 3-0 in the non-conference counts as a successful season this year. 2001 was the last time, however, the teddy bears didn’t win a Big 12 game against someone still thinking about last week’s big game. Don’t say you weren’t warned, Texas Tech and Iowa State.

North Champion: Nebraska 8-3 (5-3 conference)

South Champion: Texas Tech 10-1 (7-1 conference)

Conference Champ: Texas Tech.

Could Surprise: Kansas State (North), Texas A&M (South).

And now it’s time for everyone’s favorite part of the column, the “NCAA Overreaction of the Week.”

After meeting with several influential members within the natural disaster community – including the Tri-State Tornado and Hurricane Andrew – the NCAA has banned the ISU Cyclones, St. John’s Red Storm, and the Miami Hurricanes from the postseason citing their nicknames were catastrophically devastating and deadly.

The Tulsa Golden Hurricanes, however, were given permission to continue using their nickname because it had the support of recent hurricanes Charley and Ivan who stated it “showed hurricanes in a favorable light.”