Word has it the United States is shopping for a new ambassador to the United Nations. This is no easy task. The ideal candidate would be an all-American, someone we can send out to change the world. We want someone who is just like you and me. We want someone charming, good looking and intelligent.

We want someone who hates the United Nations, or maybe even denies its existence.

Here”s to you, John Bolton. We want you to be our liaison to countries all over the world. We want you to whip those silly diplomats into shape. They sit up there, frittering away their time condemning things, and need a hard nose like you to tell them what”s what. Just flash them a smile from behind your enormous “stache first.

The Daily likes what you have done as undersecretary of state for arms control. Hey, look at China and North Korea. You sure showed them. We think the reports of North Korea testing nuclear weapons are just a media show. They can try all they want, we could still take “em out, huh?

Before that, you have been known to be a Republican party loyalist, someone the party knows can ‘get “er done.’ You can beat back black voter registration faster than we can say ‘anti-American.’

We know that if you get to be ambassador to the United Nations, you can fire all the other diplomats who don”t agree with you and run the show solo. Treaties are for pansies.

Hey, maybe you can even use the United Nations to start annexing countries for us. That”s what we call ’embracing multilateralism.’ Don”t start with Canada, though. If we annex it, we”ll be socialist-Democrats until the end of time, and there will be less good “ol boys like you around to make sure things get done the ‘right way.’

Speaking of the ‘right way,’ you don”t need any stupid Senate confirmations. Word has it the Foreign Relations Committee didn”t give you its stamp of approval. What do they know?

Come to think of it, not many people are rooting for you. Your ex-boss, Colin Powell, wouldn”t even sign for you. Ahh, who cares? This is America! You don”t need confirmations!

Confirmations are for important things, like what night of the week everyone should get together for poker.

You”re brash, edgy and controlling. You embody all the qualities foreign countries think we have.

Why prove them wrong, when you can just beat them into submission?