Rather than do a typical Year in Review, it’s high time we had a Year in Preview.

This summer, the Department of Public Safety’s parking division will receive a rubber stamp from the state for its “request” to increase parking ticket fines and permit costs.

It is not really a request, considering DPS and the state are one and the same. Rather than cut expenditure by finding a more efficient means of transportation than gas-guzzling trucks, DPS — as a central tool of state power — will continue asserting its authority over us lowly citizens.

Adults will continue to be fined for “underage” drinking.

Others will be imprisoned for smoking marijuana — an act even less socially destructive than “underage” drinking. Obedient, yes-master citizens will mouth the words “It’s the law,” expressing their own authoritarian ethos.

Chairman Mao would be proud.

Next spring, the Government of the Student Body executive slates will mirror this year’s exactly. Major platform issues will be tuition and making students care. Ask yourself why.

This fall, Recreation Services will add intramural dodgeball to its lineup. Two words describe my position: Hell yes.

The keg ordinance people will continue their prohibitionist agenda in the fall. Why use the extreme word “prohibition,” you ask? Consider the following statement, made by one of the keg ordinance crusaders at a March meeting:

“There can be no limit [to government] if it is to save a life.” In other words, totalitarianism is good for your health. (By listening closely, one can hear the sound of Chairman Mao high-fiving DPS.)

The Ames City Council will forget about students, if it hasn’t already. Power is a seductive, corrupting force.

That’s why some council members said before the “Vote for 2” special election that they need as much time (four years) to learn their jobs as does the president of the United States. Implicit in this position is that newly elected council member Matthew Goodman (the pro-student Gyroman) is unfit to serve, having only about a year under his belt. Yes, power can make a person say and do crazy things.

The so-called “one community” concept will continue to be discussed at public meetings that draw three, maybe four participants. It will unite the community — trust me. Let’s keep talking about

“one community” — we have a great thing going here. (Seriously, though, people will give up sometime before winter finals.)

The Student Activities Center will officially launch its 2005 campaign to waste time and energy, and to centralize control of student-run groups in an oversight board. It’s a backward concept at first glance, but will probably end up being used, intentionally, as a tool to discriminate against unpopular or controversial groups.

Three cheers for sacrificing freedom of expression, freedom of association and democratic self-management for the “comfort” of people who should mind their own business.

Don’t get me wrong, it’ll be a great year. Just don’t look to authority figures to make it happen, unless you’re up for a game of dodgeball.