How can a person really know what it is like to be someone else?

One ISU professor is studying a communication theory called social decentering — or how well people are able to see things in another’s shoes.

“Social decentering is a person’s ability to take into consideration somebody else’s feelings, thoughts, perspectives, attitudes and background in a given situation,” said Mark Redmond, associate professor of English.

Redmond conducted the study on 174 participants, paired either in an intimate relationship or a friendship with a partner of the opposite sex.

Melissa McGill, junior in communication studies, said she participated in the study with her boyfriend of two years.

She said without social decentering, people would be going through life with blinders on.

“If we were unable to take into account how the life experiences of others influenced their beliefs, thoughts or actions, how would we find a common ground to communicate?” McGill said.

“To fully understand one another, we must understand what motivates the person, and our motivations come from our life experiences.”

She said although she discloses intimate information to her friends, it is rarely at the level she shares with her boyfriend, which is something Redmond said is common.

“We do develop very specific understandings of a partner in an intimate relationship, regardless if we are good at social decentering,” Redmond said. “People who are weak in general social decentering still can develop partner-specific decentering.”

Redmond said partner-specific decentering can increase intimate relationship satisfaction.

In the study, students filled out a survey that assessed demographic information, length of relationship, level of closeness in relationships, knowledge of the partner, level of satisfaction and level of decentering in the relationship.

Redmond said his primary interest in the study is how people adapt their communication based on social decentering.

He said he thinks people become more effective in all their communications as they become more decentered.

Redmond said there are three ways people process information based on his social decentering model.

The first is use of the self, which is when a person considers how they would feel in a given situation.

The second way is the specific knowledge of a person one is empathizing with, taking into consideration their personal background.

The third is the general knowledge of all people, or how the average person would react in a given situation.

“For example, if you are a student in my class and you failed an exam, and I’m grading the exam, I can either think about when I failed an exam it wasn’t any big deal, so the student won’t be bothered,” Redmond said. “But that may be inaccurate.”

He said according to his social decentering model, the general knowledge of all people must also be taken into account.

He said he has to look at all the information, including students’ reactions, when he is looking at grades.

“On the other hand I can think, ‘How do most people react to that grade?’ and I conclude that most people don’t like getting bad grades,” Redmond said.

Redmond said social decentering skills are applicable in more than just social relationships.

Kay Mueller, lecturer in English, said she attempts to socially decenter in her role as professor when relating to her students.

She said she understands where students are coming from not only in the classroom, but in also in different circumstances, like getting their papers done.

“If a student comes to me and is behaving in a way that isn’t normal, I try to give that behavior meaning by relating it to that person.” she said.