Men are typically lost creatures without a clear sense of where they first left the path. I contend that the confusion started in early childhood when they were being socialized to transfer their extra testosterone into the gendered character we call “male.” Alongside the biological characteristics that define the male sex, society constructs a mammoth baggage for any male who wants to earn the title of “man” to carry on his shoulders for the entirety of his social existence. Any attempt to cast off this burden results in social isolation and banishment from the village.

From early childhood, men have been groomed for the man’s game of life: “The Chase” — Supplier’s Notice (read quickly in a deep voice or in fine print across the bottom): “all balls included; figures may appear larger than life; not suitable for boys under the age of conception or fully actualized women”. Yes, parents, friends, relatives and any members of one’s social environment start the preparation for the successful socialization of their “male child” as soon as they can even imagine having a son.

“The Chase” encompasses every aspect of a man’s life. During childhood and through high school, he gravitates toward sports involving the pursuit of a ball and an end goal. In early adulthood, he pursues a career with the highest levels of pay and prestige. It should not surprise you that, in matters of love, he applies the same pursuit principles.

Yes, ladies, in the chase of love, women are supposed to be the balls. Bouncy. Flexible. Full of air. Moving only when force is exerted upon them by the player of the game (or by the whims of the wind), the ball serves as a goal but also as the necessary accompaniment to the greater goal. Now, you may be asking, “In the game of love, what is greater than the person with whom you share it?” For the socially constructed male, the greater goal of love is often status, not the lover herself.

The socially constructed woman skillfully facilitates this game. Groomed from childhood to carry her own baggage, the woman strives to be the ideal ball. “Are you a dodgeball man? I can be rubbery and bouncy!” “Do you like football? I can have a hard body that tapers nicely at both ends!” “What about ping pong? I can make myself light and scarce, bouncing back and forth with endless energy!”

My aunt once told me that you have to keep your husband chasing even after you’re married. How, exactly, do you do this when the ball is lying beside you every morning? Is she expected to dart up with the alarm, grabbing her running shoes, ready to start “The Chase?” Not exactly.

Instead, she must wake up every morning, put on her makeup, brush her teeth and take out her rollers before her husband wakes up, so he never sees her natural blemishes, suspects that she has the same morning breath that he does or realizes that her hair doesn’t really have that “natural” bounce. Thus he never loses his desire for her, his prize ball.

She has also been known to push aside her intuition and her better judgment in exchange for an emotional display that feeds his desire to protect and appear self-assured. But men want to express their emotions, too; such expression is the natural consequence of basic human interaction. The obligation to “hold it all in” results in the hypertension, heart disease and prostate cancer that makes the life expectancy for men in the United States about five years shorter than that of women — that is, if they survive the mandate of their earlier years to drive faster, drink more and attempt to fly.

To the men, I say let it go. Be the ball sometimes; it only seems fair, given Title IX.