In case any of you slackers out there were too preoccupied this weekend to follow the news as closely as you should have, let me catch you up on what — in my opinion — is the most important news of the weekend.

On Saturday, according to The Associated Press, a judge denied a contempt citation against Martin Bashir!

Shocking, isn’t it?

For everyone who doesn’t know who Bashir is, slap yourselves on the wrist. Martin Bashir is the journalist who produced the documentary “Living with Michael Jackson” in 2003. Granted, the documentary was interesting, because — like most people — I don’t understand Jackson. But this Michael Jackson media frenzy has gone too far.

Seriously, if you are ever bored — and I mean really, really bored — do a news search on Jackson and you will retrieve tons of hits with every intricate detail of his child molestation debacle. The only thing they won’t include is a conclusion.

I can’t remember when the news of the charges first broke, but it’s safe to assume I didn’t care then, and, believe me, I really don’t care now.

Don’t get me wrong, child molestation is a pretty serious thing, but there are other molestation cases happening in this country that don’t get a shred of media attention for one reason — they aren’t news.

It just seems like this whole case has become one big freak show — every day the news media just fill their gaps with boring developments of the case and treat them like they are actual news.

In essence, the trial has become an over-hyped soap opera whose rating competitors are shows like “The Real World” and “Elimi-date,” rather than an actual news program.

Maybe I don’t know enough about the case to be a voice of reason, but, from what I know, the case is nothing more than a few accusations and a lot of uncertainty. The only reason it’s in the news is because people enjoy the plight of celebrities — a fall from grace on live TV is good for ratings.

This story is a collaboration of producers and advertisers working together to make a profit, not to inform. Obviously, this isn’t the first occasion a celebrity crime has been paraded as national news, but this recent example is the most obviously fluffed story I can think of in recent years.

You’ll notice that my gripes about this case don’t stem from any resentment I have about the King of Pop himself. I don’t own any Jackson records, but I can’t say I don’t like him.

Actually, he’s too easy of a target to pin this on. I think the blame for this media atrocity falls on us.

We are the culture who watches this garbage — if we keep eating it up, they’ll keep serving it. We need to ask ourselves if this is something worth our time or even worth knowing about, because when the cards are laid on the table, we’ll find out that this case won’t change our daily lives.

I admit that when the verdict comes out I’ll be interested, but until then, media outlets need to quit bombarding us with every development of the case, because it’s not reporting the news — it’s filling up page space or air time.

I realize that, as a person employed by a newspaper, it is my duty to help stop this media circus, and that is why I’ll say this: For the rest of the school year, the Features section won’t run another story about this ridiculous trial — unless he has a wardrobe malfunction. We’d love that.