So I was reading the Daily the other day, and, Iowa State, I’m not going to lie, I started to feel a little animosity.

Maybe it was the fact that valuable paper normally reserved for ads for sun-tanning places was being needlessly used for bad poetry about Chem 332.

Whatever the reason, enough was enough. I set down my molecular models and wrote a poem about organic chemistry. Without any further ado I offer:

William’s Ode to Jon

or

The Chemist’s Rejoinder

or

Chapter 8 in Lousy Rhyme

Nuclophiles

And leaving groups, too

Do a useful reaction

We call Sn2.

Primary substrates

Are clearly the best.

Those go much faster

Than all of the rest.

t-Butyl bromide,

Now there’s a no-go.

Those bulky halides

React way too slow.

Do you need that reaction?

Don’t give it up, son!

For t-butyl systems

We have Sn1

A useful example

Makes alcohols.

The solvent is water;

To ions, it calls.

A cation forms

When bromide departs.

The water then traps it

And captures our hearts.

William Jenks

Professor

Chemistry