Yesterday, on Sunday, the 20 of February in this year of our Lord 2005, President Bush officially welcomed the new Department of God’s Rhetoric Empowers Every Democracy (GREED) to the federal government.

“My administration has created the first Department of GREED in recognition of the value of human life,” Bush told a crowd of White House employees posing as reporters.

As Dick Cheney smirked in the background, Bush continued, “Make no mistake about it, we’re going to mix it up with more nonbelievers in my second term,” noting that he had some political capital in his piggy bank hidden underneath the bed.

“The Department of GREED will enforce all laws that favor the wealthy, as is God’s prime directive,” he said.

Asked for comment, God replied that cuts in education and health care spending must be made absolute. “Providing health care to the sick and suffering is an abomination and is not tolerated,” God said.

He continued, saying, “If poor people are too stupid to educate themselves without teachers, then to hell with ’em.”

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, an angel nervously replied that “God has been more belligerent the past few years. He keeps telling politicians on Earth to bomb people and to sabotage cooperative relations. Just yesterday He wanted me to put my underwear on the face of a prisoner and kick him in the genitals. No thanks.”

The angel noted that she was considering filing for religious asylum.

Back on Earth, the spirit was high and the mood patriotic. As a parade of military personnel brandishing fully loaded M-16 assault rifles marched by in synchronized step, little Timmy, whose school had just received a glorious 28 percent cut in funding, cheered more ferociously than when his best friend Billy helped win the kickball tournament last Friday.

Wearing a shirt saying “Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war,” little Timmy exclaimed that “school isn’t fun” and that he would rather stay home all day. His parents refused comment, but noted that they support militarism “no matter what.”

God made a mental note to accept little Timmy’s family into heaven upon their untimely deaths. Explaining his position, God stated: “Actually, it’s a lot of fun to fight. You know, it’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people. I’ll be right up front with you, I like brawling.”

In response, Bush thanked Him for His service and for the pleasure He receives in killing His own children. “I should make Him a general in my army,” the president quipped, to the delight of the press corps.

“But seriously folks,” the hero in chief said, “rich people don’t have enough money. The American people must make sacrifices for this tax cut. I need to buy Laura another corporation, and the Department of GREED is dedicated to this call of duty.”

Calling in from Omaha, Jesus Christ, an unemployed carpenter, noted that “If rich people are given a tax cut, then they will be able to afford that new clothes dryer they’ve always wanted.” In response, a socialist non-believer called in saying rich people don’t need tax cuts. He was immediately smitten down with maximum vengeance.

“Heh heh,” the president chuckled. “Those socialists and their equality.” He scoffed again before stylishly hitting three lines of coke.

Meanwhile, God was delivering a statement prepared by Karl Rove, CEO of the White House. “Blessed are the rich,” God said, “for they shall inherit the Earth.”

“God bless America, the greatest nation on Earth!” Bush exclaimed.

“Sounds like a plan,” God responded. And it was so.