Editor’s Note: This is the second of a two-part series in which Jon Crosbie touches everyone’s life yet again.

Iowa State, I had yet another phenomenal weekend. There was no football to be watched, and, consequentially, I had to find something new and fun to do. Lucky for me, I came up with something: an ISU hockey game. I should point out it was my girlfriend who took me (how cool is that?), so I should be thanking her.

I have never had so much fun. Our boys went out and trounced the Oklahoma Sooners by a score of 7-3 and would not back down when the bitter visitors lost their temper in the third period. I was thrilled to see our boys treat the Sooners like rented mules during the obligatory hockey fight. The announcers played “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” during the announcement of Oklahoma’s starting lineup, and I felt a swelling of pride in my university.

The entertainment of a great fight and another ISU victory over Oklahoma aside, going to the hockey game meant that I didn’t have to watch sub-par beer commercials on TV. Believe you me, Iowa State, there are some. I hate to say it, but the worst of beer commercials are upon us during this dark period in advertising. Once again, the list is confined to domestics.

As promised, I present to you:

The Top 5 Worst Beer Commercials of All Time

No. 5 — “People Laughing Like Fools” — Sam Adams Light

This is the commercial where everybody is sitting around laughing, and then they walk outside and realize it’s morning. Have you noticed in this commercial nobody ever says anything? Everybody just sits around, laughing like idiots, pausing only to take a good, approving look at their Sam Adams Light before laughing some more for no apparent reason. I have a suspicion that the studio audience of the TV show “Full House” was probably given Sam Adams Light so they could laugh constantly despite the fact the show’s dialogue contained no humor.

No. 4 — “The Budweiser Lizards” — Budweiser

Not the Frogs, the Lizards. The ad should have stopped at the Super Bowl, but instead kept rolling like some hellish snowball of unfunny reptiles. It’s like an overplayed song on the radio — pop culture killed a good idea.

No. 3 — “Rock On” — Coors Light

These commercials hit, um, rock bottom (sorry) when they hired Kid Rock (notice the theme?) to be their spokesman. Kid Rock is rocking out hard with his Coors Light, except that he was in the downward spiral of his career. He was either being carried by Pamela Anderson, Sheryl Crow’s talent or the prospect of covering songs. Coors Light might as well have hired Fred Durst.

No. 2 — “The Coldest Tasting Beer in the World” — Coors Light.

Coors Light manages to fall from the graces of “Here’s to the Wingman” to Nos. 3 and 2 on this dubious list. So the selling point is cold beer? You’ve gone to great lengths to create the Coldest Tasting Beer in the World? This is so very thoughtful, but I have a refrigerator that will sort that out for me.

And the No. 1 Worst Beer Commercial of All Time: “This is Your Beer” — Michelob Ultra

Seriously, what the hell? These people are running stairs, swimming laps and rollerblading around town, stopping only to enjoy a quick swallow of refreshing Michelob Ultra before running a triathlon. Michelob didn’t even cash in on the only sport where people do drink beer during water breaks, which is rugby.

Is nothing sacred? Can anything be spared from the low-carb craze? I see a chilling future where low-carb pretzels are washed down with low-carb beer and everything is endorsed by fitness celebrity John Basedow.

What a load of rocks. I’m off to another hockey game.