Not so ‘Elektra’-fying

Abby Lorenz

In 2003’s “Kill Bill,” Uma Thurman plays a tough-as-nails elite assassin with a mission for revenge on the man who murdered her child and her husband. She’s a martial arts master who’s deadly with a sword and rocks a killer yellow jumpsuit that flaunts both her sex appeal and her astounding athleticism.

Trying to emulate the tough girl image Thurman set up, 20th Century Fox has released a similar film.

In “Elektra,” cute-as-a-button Jennifer Garner plays a superhero — or is she an assassin with a mission for revenge on … someone? Or is it that she’s trying to protect the man she’s assigned to kill?

Who is Elektra again, and what is this movie about?

Watching this movie, it seems like no one really knows. Director Rob Bowman doesn’t seem to know what’s going on, and little Jennifer looks as though she’s just waiting around for Bowman to figure out what he’s doing so she can start acting — neither of which happens in the duration of 97 minutes. In a confused and totally effortless film, here is what this reviewer managed to decipher:

Elektra was killed at the end of “Daredevil” — which is how she should have stayed. After her sensei brings her back as an assassin, she is assigned to kill a man and his 13-year-old daughter, but she doesn’t find out they are her assignment until after she has developed an emotional relationship with both of them.

Now, Elektra protects them from the people who assigned her to kill them. Oh, and apparently she’s seeking revenge on someone for something. But Bowman doesn’t bother explaining why any of these things happen.

Perhaps he was too busy refining his slow-motion sequences to stretch the movie out to the standard 90 minutes. Without agonizingly long fight sequences in which Garner soars throughout the air in slow motion, this movie may have been about 30 minutes shorter — which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.

So how come the tough girl action flick worked for Thurman and it doesn’t work for Garner — or anyone for that matter — in “Elektra?”

“Bill” relied on more than just Thurman’s sex appeal to make a complete film.

Bowman seems to think all it takes to make a tough girl flick is a nice butt and a pair of tight pants. Garner’s fight sequences are contrived and dated with cheesy slow motion shots and grossly artificial weaponry.

Frankly, the movie doesn’t work simply because it’s all image and no substance.