With all the bizarre events that occurred in 2004, what better way to express our viewpoints than using the style of everyone’s favorite rhymster: Dr. Seuss. The Daily’s editorial board attempted (badly) to break down local and national news into childlike rhymes.

Sports

For the love of four bucks and a cell phone,

Jason Berryman’s arrests made Cyclone fans moan.

To Shreveport we go (again!) after going 6-5,

and looking good for the future with Meyer and Blythe.

Our undefeated champ, our Athens gold medalist;

Iowa State’s golden child has to be Cael.

His wrestling style is ultimately fundamentalist —

too bad he isn’t golden, he’s frightfully pale.

Campus happenings

After the riot, a task force was created giddily,

but its final report to Geoffroy taught us diddly.

Thanks to the New Voters Project, students voted more;

they registered, they heckled, they came to your door.

Michael Moore and Ann Coulter invaded Iowa State —

Coulter was a nutcase; Moore is overweight.

But these two radicals weren’t as jacked

as their supporters, who probably smoked crack.

National and international events

With a stellar comeback, the curse ended for the Sox

who, after losing the Babe, were damned by a pox.

“Napoleon Dynamite” is awesome, who can deny it?

If you drink 1 percent milk, you’re on a diet.

If it doesn’t win an Oscar, then that’s a total sham;

“Tina, you fat lard, come get your ham!”

If you’re sure that there’s no life after ODB,

cheer up, go out and buy his new CD.

Bush’s Cabinet members are dropping like flies,

from Ashcroft to Powell, who was replaced by Rice.

And Gonzales is scary, with his ties to Gitmo;

perhaps he’ll make up a “How to abuse” demo.

The Sept. 11 Commission tried desperately to find

a good scapegoat for America’s WMD bind.

And Bush wasn’t guilty: he got out free and clear,

but he still loves to call nuclear “nu-cu-lear.”

More death and confusion from the war in Iraq;

do we have enough troops to accomplish the task?

The presidential campaign was anything but tame,

in the end, it’s four more years of Dubya’s game.

You hated our elections? Try the ones in Ukraine;

from poisoning to cheating — it is quite insane.

But, above all — as thousands in the square attest

there’s no greater power than that of protest.

… and last but not least, don’t forget Poland.