COLUMN: The top six moments of the presidential race

Matthew Skuya Columnist

Well, the election is over and the democracy we all love is still alive and well. One thing that is certain is President Bush must work to bring the country back together. So, instead of reflecting on the results of the election, I’d like to start the healing process by focusing on some of the most memorable moments of the campaign.

Here are the top six moments of the 2004 presidential race:

#6. Bush’s deer imitation: At one point during the first debate, Bush jumped in to get Jim Lehrer to extend the discussion for 30 seconds, and when the camera focused on the president with the discussion extended, that same look of a deer in the headlights was broadcast across the country. It seemed to be the symbolic image of his showing at the first debate where John Kerry clearly put himself back into the race.

#5. Shove it. When Theresa Heinz Kerry told a reporter to “shove it,” it was thankfully caught on tape. Yes, it seems that Theresa speaks her mind. Besides, wouldn’t we all like to tell people who bring up tough questions or criticisms of ourselves to shove it?

#4. Arnold’s one-liners: At the Republican National Convention Arnold Schwarzenegger used many of the crappy lines he used in his movies. The most insulting line during the governator’s speech was “Don’t be an economic girlie man.” It was hilarious to see the same man — who you may remember from such movies as “Terminator,” “Predator,” “Total Recall,” “True Lies” and “Kindergarten Cop” — addressing the nation’s problems. The problem is that unemployment is a very real problem for millions of citizens in this country, and Arnold, in his infinite wisdom, called them all girlie men.

#3. Zig-zag Zell. Another moment came from the Republican National Convention where Sen. Zell Miller gave a speech that made Dick Cheney the arbiter of good faith. Miller, a flip-flopping Democrat, must have felt insulted by Kerry in the Senate at some point because his speech was delivered with the intensity of an angry man. His speech culminated with an apparent metaphor of Kerry arming the U.S. military with spitballs. Perhaps the more exciting Zell moment was his challenging Chris Matthews to a duel on MSNBC’s Hardball after being asked about the same metaphor.

#2. Kerry’s best campaign line: Who can forget when Kerry, in a single line, delivered the most effective line of attack against himself. “I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it,” and with that line, stocks in Styrofoam Flip-Flops ‘R’ Us multiplied by five. I didn’t think I would ever see a Halloween where going as a giant flip-flop would be considered a hot item. But thanks to this moment of the 2004 presidential election, we will never look at our footwear the same.

#1. Cheney in Paradise. Dick Cheney is the only person I know that could still look and speak doom and gloom while being in Hawaii. Speaking before a crowd with a lei around his neck, he spoke in his characteristic serious and monotone manner.

The one thing that surprised me about this appearance was Cheney did not say that if Hawaiians voted for Kerry, the danger would be that the terrorists would somehow cause a catastrophic volcano eruption that would turn an island paradise into a charred mound of ash and lava.

Hopefully I’ve provided a good overview of the ridiculous moments during the campaign. Whether you supported Kerry or Bush, hopefully we can all recognize the humor in each candidate and recognize the need for our nation to come together behind the winner.