It’s safe to say that the Bowl Championship Series is not the most popular kid at school right now. He isn’t very smart, he isn’t very well-liked, and he has a tendency to screw people over at the worst possible times (just ask last year’s USC team.) He’s the guy no girl wants to date and the kid every football player wishes he could stuff into a locker.

Worst of all, it looks like he’s trying to mess everything up again this year.

With five undefeated teams left and the number of remaining games dwindling faster than Matt Hasselbeck’s hairline, it’s safe to say that the BCS system is likely to leave at least one deserving team out in the cold. It also looks as if every sportswriter in America is busy writing the same anti-BCS column that has been written every year since 1998.

So how do we fix the problem of seeing good teams lose a shot at the national title on paper instead of on the field? How do we make sure that the two best teams square off every Jan. 4 for the Sears Trophy? And how do we ensure that we’ll never have to read another boring “BCS=Bad, Playoffs=Good” article again?

I’m glad you asked. We’ll just look down at the W.W.E.D. bracelets on our wrists and recite the five helpful words that can help us through any major decision: What Would an Elimidater Do?

Quite honestly, any star of the “Elimidate” TV show would do a lot of things.

He would use the word “chemistry” in 50 percent of his sentences, even though he failed it twice in high school. He would try not to think about how sad it looks for him to go on national television to find girls desperate enough to date him.

He would not, however, be tempted to use a simple answer like playoffs to clean up the BCS mess. Much like “The O.C.’s” Ryan and Marissa getting back together, it’s just too simple and makes too much sense.

An elimidater would be very interested in appearances. His eye contact would stray chestward when his dates weren’t looking, and he would think Auburn’s blue and orange uniforms would look great riding shotgun in the Mustang he’s leasing from his dad’s dealership.

An elimidater would prefer style over substance, choosing SoCal’s model-swooning, touchdown-slinging, Tom-Brady-of-college-football Matt Leinart over the equally-talented-but-less-hyped Alex Smith of Utah.

The small-screen Casanova would be prone to favor teams named the Trojans for obvious reasons, and, keeping with his dating theory, would contend that Sooners is better than later anytime.

He’d also likely steer clear of any names suggesting canines (sorry Texas, Georgia) or livestock.

An elimidater would be turned off by Michigan’s posse, which includes such killer alums as Unabomber Ted Kaczynski and Dr. Kevorkian, and would instead aspire to fulfill his lifelong ambition of getting drunk with ex-Auburn Tiger Jimmy Buffett.

The elimidater wouldn’t like Cal alum and Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz’s unshowered look, and he would hate former Sooner Brian Bosworth after seeing him star opposite MC Hammer in “One Man’s Justice,” the 1995 film whose claim to fame is that it’s the only movie worse than “Wild Wild West.”

The elimidater would be the type to have a crush on USC alum and brat packer Ally Sheedy and think that former Trojan Neil Armstrong was very cool for handing out all those yellow rubber wristbands.

Most importantly, the elimidater would know that trying to go home with both girls is the quickest way not to go home with either of them, and that making cuts is a necessary evil.

He couldn’t bear the thought of watching 38-year-old Jason White play in what seems like his 12th bowl game, and he’d be tired of seeing Florida State blow it when it counts yet again. He’d think that Utah needs a more credible conference schedule and that Boise State needs some more credible turf.

He’d feel that Cal needs to beat USC and Texas needs to beat Oklahoma to deserve a shot at the title.

W.W.E.D.?

The elimidater would settle on Auburn and Southern Cal to play in the Orange Bowl for the national title, barring any late-season losses. And, in the true “Elimidate” spirit, he would pick Auburn to win. After all, they’re the ones with the Cadillac.