I’ve always been a firm believer in fantasy. And although most of my fantasies involve marrying Keira Knightley, becoming the fourth member of the Alkaline Trio and finally tracking down the first three seasons of “Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper” on DVD, I’ve also been known to fantasize about sports.

But in my mind, fantasizing about sports and fantasy sports have about as much in common as Jon Stewart and the “Crossfire” anchors. So, until recently, I’ve looked down upon fantasy sports fanatics, placing them just below people who wear Ricky Williams jerseys and just above people named George Steinbrenner in the sports fan hierarchy.

Maybe it’s because I was brought up to believe that real sports fans root for teams more than players. Maybe it’s because I pictured almost all fantasy sports participants as 38-year-olds still living in their parents’ basements, sponging Chef Boyardee and free Internet access. Or maybe it’s because I lost badly in the only league I was ever in.

But regardless of what my feelings toward fantasy sports fans were based on, the fact that I was wrong still remains.

And I can admit that.

Fantasy sports fans aren’t all inherently nerdy or pale or annoying. It’s just that many of them lack proper fantasy etiquette. So, in true Miss Manners style, I’ve prepared a checklist of the dos and don’ts that will keep fantasy fans from making online football faux pas for the rest of the season.

In no particular order …

Do: Draft the best team available. Although you might love them, picking all Bears as your skill players is one way of making sure that your fantasy team will join them in last place by the end of the season.

Don’t: Sell your soul for a good team. If you’d rather root for al-Qaida than Randy Moss, it’s probably best to leave him off your squad.

And even if the championship of the league is hanging in the balance, you never, ever, EVER root for your fantasy players against your favorite team. Ever.

Do: Your homework. At the very least, you should know the names of your players, what positions they play, and that they didn’t retire in 2002.

Don’t: Feel the need to become the league poindexter. You don’t need to spend the better part of your Saturday analyzing whether Bill Schroeder or Brian Finneran is the better choice to be your third receiver. And if you buy publications promising you insider fantasy football secrets, your money could be better spent buying yourself a clue.

Do: Use the league’s online message boards for taunting. Just think of this as the “Calling Marty McFly a chicken” game plan. With enough manhood-questioning posts and other various personal attacks, the other members of your league can be pressured into doing almost anything.

Don’t: Limit your taunts strictly to football. Point out the slightest spelling and grammatical errors in the posts of others.

Take shots at the league’s resident Ryan Cabrera fan. Post “On the Way Down” lyrics hourly. Be merciless toward the lucky owner of Ron Dayne and his 2.7 yards per carry.

Do: Care about the league. No one wants to play with someone who doesn’t care. Just ask Vince Carter’s teammates.

Don’t: Let the league become the reason why you’ve reached an unparalleled level of social ineptitude.

Don’t let fantasy football be the reason why you haven’t showered or attended class since week four. Furthermore, if you know Jeff Blake’s QB rating from 1998 but can’t even make an educated guess as to when you and your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend’s anniversary might be, you need to stop.

Do: Ask God why you got stuck with Vinny Testaverde as your quarterback again this year. You deserve an answer.

Don’t: Appeal to God to help your team win. The God of compassion probably isn’t interested in rupturing Donovan McNabb’s Achilles tendon so you can move up a spot in the league standings.

Do: Feel free to talk about the NFL with acquaintances. Starting conversations with, “How about those (insert pro team here)?” has saved many of us from those Monday morning awkward silences.

Don’t: Feel free to talk about your fantasy team with anyone not in the league.

As much as they don’t care about your midterms or whatever else, they care about your fantasy football team even less.