If VH1 ever decides to interrupt its regularly scheduled programming of “The Fabulous Life of Ryan Seacrest” and hourlong sessions of Michael Ian Black and Mo Rocca dryly mocking every major cultural event that has occurred in the last three decades, an exciting new opportunity awaits.

By supplementing the novel “Best Week Ever” series (in which a different panel of almost-celebrities dryly mocks everything that has happened in the last week) with a groundbreaking “Worst Week Ever” section, VH1 could easily sum up just how the Boston Red Sox’s weekend went. I can see it now …

Smirking, gap-toothed comic Paul Scheer shrugs and throws his hands heavenward, asking, “Has anyone had a worse week than the Boston Red Sox?”

Cut to the Modern Humorist duo chiming in with an off-the-cuff gem.

Humorist one: “Looks like the Red Sox have about the same chance of beating the Yankees as the Wayans brothers have of making a movie that doesn’t suck!”

Humorist two: “Remember when we didn’t go to prom?”

Red Sox fans have become the poster children for the “baselessly optimistic” outlook. If the Sox are in fact a bottom-bound vessel, the pinstripe-wearing, pennant-purchasing, scourge-of-the-AL-East Yankees are Boston’s iceberg.

The Sox and Yankees players hate each other, the fans hate each other, and the fans’ unborn children are genetically predisposed to hate each other.

But what fuels the hard feelings in the greatest rivalry in professional sports is quite simple: The fans of these two teams, whose home parks lie just more than 200 miles apart, have absolutely nothing in common.

Red Sox fans love the underdog. They were the ones who stood in the movie theater aisles throwing uppercuts at imaginary Soviets when Balboa knocked out Drago in “Rocky IV.” They insisted on playing as The Hick from Salt Lick in the Jordan vs. Bird Nintendo game, hitting the A button and lighting up the scoreboard with turnaround jumpers and 3-pointers from the corner right in his Airness’ face. They are the ones who believe that, just like in the movies, the girl will choose the plain-looking poor kid with the heart of gold over the Harvard-bound senator’s son with chiseled features and a Benz convertible.

Yankees fans love the powerhouse. They laughed as the 1992 Dream Team crushed Angola by 68 points and were floored when Pencilneck Skywalker slipped in and blew up the seemingly invulnerable Death Star. They’re the type of people who would root for the bullfighter, and they were still pulling for Charles Bronson in “Death Wish 4.” Yankees fans wear their team’s cap to the store, to work and even to church, because they are sure that God is on New York’s side, even if Boston’s center fielder bears a striking resemblance to His son.

Boston fans love that their blue-collar baseball team mirrors the city’s blue-collar persona. The Red Sox are the team next door, a group of unshaven thirtysomething ballplayers with pine tar on their helmets, Skoal rings in their pockets and dirt under their fingernails. Red Sox fans would take Trot Nixon’s mohawk over A-Rod’s frosted tips any day, and they firmly believe that a Sox hat that isn’t sweat-soaked and frayed isn’t being worn by a true fan.

Yankees fans love that their team reflects the empire-like aspects of the Empire State. The Yankees’ payroll dwarfs that of any other team, and their opening day lineup card could double as a Who’s Who in Baseball report for the last 10 years. They love having a starting shortstop who is well represented in Teen People’s Hottie of the Week archives and an owner who shows up almost daily on SportsCenter, Visa commercials and Seinfeld reruns.

Red Sox fans cringe at most trips down memory lane, haunted by a seemingly never-ending string of near misses and heartbreak. The names Bucky Dent, Bill Buckner, Mookie Wilson, and Aaron Boone are like fingernails on the chalkboard for Boston fans, names much like the number 1918 that Yankees fans are so quick to bring up. Conversely, the Yanks fans relish the past, basking in the smug self-assuredness that goes hand-in-hand with 26 World Series titles and decades of mastery over the Sox. Yankees fans are full of confidence, whereas Red Sox fans are full of hope.

So here’s hoping that the Sox will show up on “Best Week Ever?” a month from now hoisting the AL pennant for everyone at Fenway to see. It’s time to believe that just this once, October will teach George Steinbrenner and his perennial prom king Yankees just what it feels like to go home alone.