Saddam Hussein was an evil dictator, so we removed him from power. We invaded Iraq, naturally, to improve the life of the common Iraqi citizen. We had no economic motivations. We were untroubled with desires to profit from our invasion. We just wanted to see democracy and freedom flourish where there was once only tyranny. The Iraqis love us, and in the end, the region will be stabilized and will help stem the growing number of terrorists throughout the world.

Since we are in such a loving and caring mood, it is time to invade more countries. The world is a cruel place and offers no shortage of despots and dictators that are aching for a toppling courtesy of the United States.

The following countries are a few of my favorites that I think would be a lot better off if we invaded and reorganized their government (thanks to information provided by Amnesty International’s Annual Human Rights Report):

*Sudan. Where to begin? The state-sponsored terror, the violent displacement of 600,000 people from Darfur, institutionalized torture or the violence caused by rebelling militias? A lovely playground of state- approved atrocities awaits us in Sudan, just begging to be smashed.

It lies right next to Saudi Arabia, too. Getting our navy to their ports would be a cinch, and those bucks we save on tanker gas means a free-for-all with the bombs.

*Russian Federation. Time to do what we never could during the Cold War: invade Russia. Violence against women and minorities runs rampant through the Federation, as do reports of torture and ill-treatment by government officials. Then, of course, there is the problem with Chechnya. Tens of thousands of internally displaced Chechens linger around in Ingushetia.

Frequent terrorist attacks result from the conflict in Chechnya. Better to invade the whole country and solve the problem for them. Added bonus: oil, lumber, arable land, nukes and tanks.

*Brazil. Thousands of people last year were killed in armed confrontations with the police, insinuations that the police reportedly like to call “resistance followed by death.”

Death squads and organized crime are active in all of the country’s 26 states, sometimes working in conjunction with law enforcement in places such as Sao Paulo.

Officials apparently have admitted to the widespread use of torture by law enforcement, but they don’t seem too ashamed or feel the need to get on the ball about it. More indigenous people got in the way and 23 of their leaders had to be killed.

And talk about resources! Invading Brazil would give us access to the Amazon rainforest. I can hear the chain saws warming up already.

*China. China kept its prison population steady last year and racked up death sentences and executions in the thousands. Most of the time due process didn’t block these noble pursuits of justice. The “re-education through labor” program allows people to be detained for up to three years without charges or trials.

China continues to find Tibet rather irritating, and cannot seem to wait until it can gobble it up whole.

Now, you might be thinking that since China is such a powerful ally for trade, it would be silly to invade it when we make so much money. But how much more could we make if we just took everything, rather than being foolish and actually paying for it?

I know China is a big country with a strong military, but with some American can-do and know-how, we can take it over for the betterment of all Chinese.

Of course these aren’t all the countries that deserve a good armored battalion up the backside. They are just a few models of horror to start the campaign.

Bring ’em on, stay the course and let freedom ring, folks. We’ve got a lot of countries to invade and not much time to do it. We’ve got the whole world to save, whether they like it or not.

Wait, you’re saying we can’t invade all these countries because we’d be stretched too thin?

You think that maybe there is a time and place for invasions, and that we can’t change the world for the better by simply invading countries we don’t like? We can’t just invade a country because we don’t like its government?

That is an interesting notion. I usually think that there isn’t a problem out there that can’t be solved at gunpoint.

Maybe I’m wrong.