Do you hear that sound? It sounds like a mixture between a dog wheezing, your grandmother trying to talk as softly as she can and that soft puff you hear when you open a pop can.

That pathetic, weak little noise you hear is the voice of rational debate in America today. It is having a hard time expressing itself because it has two big hairy hands wrapped around its throat — from both the right and left sides.

From super-liberals like Michael Moore who foam at the mouth and get this glazed over look in their eyes at the mere mention of George W. Bush to right-wing columnists such as Jonah Goldberg writing for Tribune Media Services who think working alongside the United Nations would be to “Frenchify” our outlook, we are in dire need of people who make their political decisions after at least casually glancing at facts first.

First off, the liberals have gone insane. Many conservatives would call me brainwashed for thinking this, but I always thought the liberal penchant for academic jargon left them more susceptible to a relaxed debate, or at least slowed down their speech patterns long enough to consider what they were saying.

Not anymore. I think all those teases about being “hippies” or “wimps” finally made them choke on their granola bars, throw on the boxing gloves and start aiming below the belt.

The mantra “Anybody but Bush” has overtaken the left side of the political landscape. Taking it upon themselves to save the world, the liberals wisely recognize that all of our current problems in the world today rest solely in the actions of a single man, George W. Bush. The liberals have gotten together and decided that it would be the best thing to remove him as fast as possible. The name calling only helps cement the liberal position as being rational, logical and correct. And calling Bush a “Nazi” is a true recognition of the horrors conducted by that infamous political party. Never mind the fact that many of Bush’s initiatives required a weak Democratic side of Congress to roll over when he needed them to get in line.

So many liberals hate Bush without any knowledge of his policies. They hate Bush for being Bush, without recognizing that is the exact reason so many conservatives like him. You may not like his simple talk and Christian values, but the fact is that those two aspects happen to represent a large portion of our society.

The conservatives, on the other hand, just look confused. They looked smug when Bush took office, ready to breathe a sigh of relief after eight years of Clinton. But then he started tossing federal billions around like he was 18 again with Daddy’s credit card, buying everything on the credit of your grandkids.

We had a surplus, if I remember correctly, not too long ago in this country. I think I’m in line with conservatives when I wonder where the hell it all went.

I also really enjoy it when conservatives let their fellow citizens know that it is not permissible to question the president or the president’s use of the military. I mean, after all, only conservatives serve in the military, and service to your country or patriotism are values peculiar to that one political ideology.

Amazingly, some conservatives out there make no distinctions between civil dissent and outright hatred of the mother country. Conservatives take it upon themselves to remind us constantly of the military cost of freedom, but they should also consider the civil cost, unless they want to go back to the “only white men with land can vote” system. Not all sacrifices cost blood, and patriotism extends beyond current administrations.

We do ourselves a disservice by allowing only two dominating points of view in this country. We are a big country with big problems, so we should at least allow for a third, if not a fourth and fifth possible viewpoint.

Condensing such issues as energy, health care and taxes into only two possible choices is a failure to recognize their complexity in how they affect every American. This may be blasphemy, but what about talking about an issue before you make up your mind?

Dividing ourselves into two mindless factions undermines the true diversity of America. We are perhaps the most diverse society on the planet and yet we allow ourselves to devolve into two contrary points of view based on mindless rhetoric rather than rational debate. Our strengths should be openness, freedom, diversity, debate, democratic values and most of all, humor. Those strengths are alien to our enemies.

Leave the mindless yelling and side-taking to the idealistic murderers.