The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

In that spirit, the people and events of Ames have given us a wealth to learn from in the last school year alone.

Let’s have a look, shall we?

CEO of Ames Youth and Shelter Services George Belitsos:

Despite the fact that Prohibition was an unmitigated failure, alcohol still remains the root cause of all social ills in history.

The Great Ukranian Famine? Drink buffet special at the Kremlin.

The atomic bomb? More beer-fueled mayhem by those out-of-control physicists at Los Alamos.

Indeed, we could vanquish evil for all time — if we could just get Prohibition to work this time.

Social agitator Fern Kupfer: Students are a plague who if left unchecked will turn every neighborhood into a “war zone.”

But the Final Solution is quite simple — all we need to do is systematically disenfranchise the student population of Ames and round them up into a few Warsaw Ghettos and suddenly all of the problems will magically disappear — just like that!

The ISU administration: Always take the path of least resistance, even in spite of the obvious.

Indeed, why bother standing up for the truth when scapegoating Veishea and suspending it for a year is so much easier?

Government of the Student Body President Sophia Magill: When in doubt, bob your head at whatever the suits say.

“Suspend Veishea?

“Sure, that sounds like a great decision! What police misconduct?”

Stay tuned for, “More anti-student ordinances? Sounds like a great idea!”

The Ames Police Department: If ever caught in a riot, be sure to be busy breaking everything in sight.

That way, they’ll know who not to Mace.

And finally, the students themselves: Even with the boot of the Ames City Council at students’ collective throat, they still can’t be counted on to shrug off their apathy and actually vote for change. Congratulations!

The next round of anti-student ordinances are on you.

So, let’s review what we’ve learned — truth is irrelevant, students are scum, alcohol is the root of all evil and freedom is slavery. Have a great summer!

Steve Skutnik is a graduate students in physics from Ames.