You should hear what they say about you,” a student tells me after finding out that I started a Campustown neighborhood association which supports zoning, couch ordinances and a ban on drink specials. I know what some students say because I’ve got the obscene mail to prove it.

I’m writing to respond to some of your questions about community/student relations. These issues are important, more so since the Veishea riot. So read on. This means you: the guys with your hats on backward!

Weren’t you ever young once?

Everyone was young once. But just as you ask us to empathize with you, put yourself in our shoes. In another 10 years you will not be amused to come home on a Saturday night to find someone puking in your driveway.

You’re so anal about your property.

Hey! We’re not your mothers. You have a party? Clean up afterward. We’re sick of picking up Bud-Lite cartons off the lawn. You’re smoking? Well, it’s a lousy habit, but throwing those empty packs on the sidewalk is disgusting! What’s the matter with you?

This town wouldn’t even exist without us students.

Give me a break. Is Iowa State going to fold sometime soon? You’re paying your money and getting a first-rate education. Ames is not a tourist attraction, so we needn’t compromise values to keep you here.

But it’s Campustown! Campustown belongs to the students.

Oh yeah? I’ve lived in Campustown for 30 years; it’s where my kids grew up. Campustown is my neighborhood, too.

If you don’t like living in Campustown, why don’t you move?

Now you’re really starting to piss me off! I don’t want to move. Homeowners have chosen to live in Campustown for the same reasons as students. Many of us work at the university; we like being able to walk to school and events at the Iowa State Center. We don’t want to live in the suburbs. We love our older homes, the beautiful churches and greek houses. But the neighborhood has changed.

Campustown changed?

Yes. Back when you were in junior high, the stock market was up and the mortgages were low. Investors bought old houses that used to belong to families and these became student rentals. Parents bought houses for students — then became absentee landlords. The fraternities and sororities going dry didn’t help the neighborhoods because annexes — “party” houses — evolved.

But you put in those ridiculous zoning laws. Why is it illegal to rent a four-bedroom house to more than three people?

Look, zoning is a good thing. Zoning assures a family who bought a home that a strip club will not be built next door. Our neighborhood association did not invent zoning ordinances. These were on the books since 1962! We wanted them enforced.

For years zoning wasn’t respected. Investors bought houses and added walls and finished basements to make more bedrooms — thus charging more rent. Older homes were sold to investors without even going on the open market. (In the 1960s, something similar was done in cities — when black people moved in and investors helped to precipitate “white flight.” This is called “block-busting.” What’s the result of creating student ghettos? Think: Hunt Street.)

Students are poor. We need cheap rent .

My husband and I put three girls through college; if anyone wants inexpensive housing for students, it’s us parents. But neighborhoods shouldn’t be ruined to save 30 bucks a month. Anyway, Ames is over-built. Shop around; you should be able to get a good deal.

Do you want any students to live near you?

Good neighborhoods can have a balance of renters and owners. But students who choose to live in low-density neighborhoods should respect family lifestyles. This means driving the speed limit. It means not screaming “Fuck the Hawks” when you’re walking to the football game.

You just don’t like students.

Sure we do — many of us have chosen to share our life’s work with young people — but we don’t like everything. The focus on drinking is tiresome: that immature bragging about how smashed you are. Drunk is bad. So is stupid. Drunk and stupid is intolerable. Not all students act this way. But too many do. Veishea is an example — writ large — of this culture of disrespect and entitlement.

Yes, innocent people were maced during the Veishea riot. But no one came to the hospital as a result of a police beating. Not even the idiots who trashed Campustown and urinated in a sheriff’s car. Saying that the police provoked the crowd is like the wife-beater protesting: “She just made me so mad . . .”

OK, that’s all I have to say. If, after reading this, you want to write me an obscene letter, remember that I’m an English teacher. So please proofread your work.

Good luck on your finals. Have a safe summer.