I loved the 2004 Veishea riots. I just wish I could get all of the musical hits of this memorable occasion in one inexpensive, easy-to-find collection.”

Stop right there, because now you can!

Life-Time Records proudly presents “The Sounds of Veishea,” the ultimate collection of all your favorite riot songs on one CD! For only $19.95 — plus $3.95 shipping and handling — you, too, can own all the Dumpster-lighting singles that kept you violent until early Sunday morning!

This limited-time offer won’t last forever, so get your copy now! All the songs you remember from the tear gas era are here, including:

* “April 29, 1992” by Sublime. The lyrics might need a little tweaking, but Sublime’s time-tested riot favorite is the perfect Veishea theme song. Twenty years from now, people will still be asking where you were on April 18, 2004. But unlike frontman Brad Nowell and his keen brick-throwing abilities, ISU students didn’t get all that alcohol they can’t afford.

* “Celebrate” by Kool and the Gang. After all, wasn’t the party on Hunt Street a celebration to last throughout the years? You brought your good times, and your laughter, too. But those officers weren’t gonna celebrate your party with you.

* “Police State” by Dead Prez. Nothing gets a riot squad hopping like a drunken, angry crowd than a little Dead Prez blasting from the speakers. Of course, some of the people in the crowd weren’t drunken or angry, but trying to get home is plenty of reason for them to meet the butt end of a nightstick.

* “Closing Time” by Semisonic. “You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here” was the happy, sentimental feeling many bar-goers felt when they left their favorite pubs. But a quick shot of pepper spray to the face can change things pretty fast. Which leads us to our next set of songs …

* “Fuck tha Police” by N.W.A. and “Fuck Police Brutality” by Anti-Flag. From gangsta rap to punk, bands across the nation were itching for a mob to embrace their songs, and rioters in Ames finally did. Not to be confused with “Funk Police” by The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T, N.W.A and Anti-Flag took a mob’s favorite naughty word and put it in the spotlight.

* “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister and “Fight For Your Right (To Party)” by the Beastie Boys. Twisted Sister and the Beastie Boys pinpointed the irony of Veishea. How else can you explain 1,000 rioters —many of whom were intoxicated after leaving parties or the bars — violently expressing their anger about not being able to drink?

* “Blowin’ In The Wind” by Bob Dylan and “The Sharp Hint of New Tears” by Dashboard Confessional. Iowa Staters are a tough bunch, and the Veishea riots proved it. Clouds of tear gas and point-blank pepper spray may have brought them to tears, but our rowdy partiers — some of whom probably don’t even remember it — stood proud for nearly five solid hours of eye-burning goodness.

* “All Apologies” and “You Know You’re Right” by Nirvana. To paraphrase Uma Thurman’s “Kill Bill” character, we roared and we rampaged. But did we get bloody satisfaction? We’ve heard both sides of the story, from participants claiming police brutality to authorities blaming students, but it was impressive to watch our Government of the Student Body representatives fold faster than a three-legged card table. Just like Nirvana, students at Iowa State were finished long before anyone had a chance to hear them out.

There you have it — twelve of your favorite riot hits, all in one place! Lamp posts were uprooted, Dumpsters were incinerated and more than a few people got their first taste of tear gas. If you weren’t too intoxicated, it was an event worth remembering, and this collection immortalizes it forever. So order now! Operators are standing by.