I can’t say I’m surprised at how lame this year’s Academy Awards were. Billy Crystal, who returned to host after a four-year absence (not long enough as it turns out), provided plenty of lame time-important jokes and offered a terrible anthem to this year’s five nominees for Best Picture. I think the look on Clint Eastwood’s face when Crystal crooned on top his lap summed up everyone’s feelings about Crystal’s little ditty.

The night was filled with flatness. It was a ceremony that never got its feet off the ground. Once a few of the nominations were announced — none of them being surprise wins at that — it quickly turned into a boring night where the commercials flattered the dull presentation.

Tim Robbins’ supporting actor win for “Mystic River” is not a surprise — he won a Golden Globe, a Screen Actors Guild award and multiple critics’ awards. Benicio Del Toro deserved the award for his astounding performance in “21 Grams,” but Robbins’ tortured performance was justifiably commendable (much more so, anyway, than the remaining nominees).

The technical award wins for “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King,” were won more by default than actual merit. It seemed this year’s nominees for art direction were blurred between actual design and visual effects. As much as I hate to admit it, “Seabiscuit” was far more deserving to win both of these awards than “The Return of the King.”

It’s no surprise “The Return of the King” was sweeping the awards it was nominated for. This movie arrived at the awards season a winner, with its built-in fan base, critical accolades and audience approval.

Ren‚e Zellweger’s win for best supporting actress win for “Cold Mountain” was also no surprise. Her acceptance speech — as if she was surprised — was endlessly artificial.

Zellweger was great in “Cold Mountain,” but nothing compared to Holly Hunter’s devastating performance in “Thirteen” (she should have won), Marcia Gay Harden’s shaken turn in “Mystic River,” Patricia Clarkson’s moving performance as a cancer-stricken mother in “Pieces of April” and Shohreh Aghdashloo’s scene-stealing appearance in “House of Sand and Fog.”

“Finding Nemo” for best animated feature was completely deserving. “Brother Bear” was a nice try; “The Triplets of Belleville” was a flaming embarrassment. “Triplets” is proof that critics can brainwash the film snob elite into thinking a narrow-minded French “satire” is some kind of commentary on the “we, the fat, stupid American” population.

The night was otherwise highlighted by the numerous recognition of dead celebrities, including extended salutes to Bob Hope and Katharine Hepburn. The rest of the “less important” celebrities were merely applauded in their brief appearances on the “rest in peace” reel. It would be far more respectful if the Academy would silence the audience out of respect for those who’ve passed.

My preference for next year’s awards: No Billy Crystal. How entertaining would the show be if Jack Black, Robin Williams or Jim Carrey hosted? The dull moments between awards (and there are plenty of ’em) need to be filled with people who know how to entertain instead of reading off a TelePrompTer.

It’s no surprise “The Return of the King” ruled the awards, but the show surely could have had more flavor. I cannot remember an Academy Awards presentation so lifeless and tedious. Isn’t it sad the night’s best moment came from the performance of a Best Song nominee, with Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara in full character as their “Mighty Wind” alter egos Mitch and Mickey?

At press time, the major nominations were not yet announced. I think I can predict that I’ll be just as bored at 11:30 as I was at 10:15. I hope this isn’t true. I’m telling you, dear readers, I hope so.

— Ryan Curell is a sophomore in pre-journalism and mass ommunication from Boone.