They say you can never go home again. Sadly, the Daily’s carnivorous critics weren’t listening.

It’s been several years since either reviewer had feasted on the endless selection of hot dogs and chicken nuggets that is ISU Dining. With graduation approaching, Eric and Aaron decided to brave the largest eatery on campus in an effort to reclaim a bit of their youth.

Atmosphere:

AL: I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s been over half a decade since I last dined at Maple-Willow-Larch Dining. Who knows — maybe the dungeon-like atmosphere of the cafeteria is directly connected with me taking way too long to graduate. Then again, maybe I just forgot to study and go to class. Regardless of the reason, MWL isn’t the most comfortable eatery in Ames.

ER: Dining service was much like a scene from high school. I was more worried about not slipping and spilling my food all over myself than what I took from the cafeteria line. No one wants to be that guy everyone is talking about in Sociology 134 that fell at lunch. A little more nerve-wracking than what I like for my lunch dining experience, but I guess I’m a little more worried about these things than others are.

The dreary dining room made eating lunch more of a romantic experience than I wanted. The dining room hadn’t changed too much since the last time I was there freshman year, but I didn’t spend much time there because of a lifestyle conflict with the Fresh Start program. You really don’t get a second chance.

Service:

AL: I think we may have confused the ticket puncher at the door. After all, how many people voluntarily eat at Dining Service? However, once the cash transaction was taken care of, I was through the hot food line in no time. Unfortunately, both Eric and I had slipped a little in our old age, and forgot to pick up salads and drinks before setting down our trays. But who can blame the restaurant for us looking clueless?

ER: The employees serving the food were quite nice. I don’t know how nice I would be if every part of my body was covered with a net, but they didn’t seem to mind. There was some confusion when I wanted my beans, cheese and chips in separate bowls. I guess I made a special request. But the line was short, and I got my food quickly, so I was happy with the service.

Quantity/Value

AL: I refuse to say anything bad about a restaurant’s generosity when they let me keep going back without charging me more money (I will say bad things about the food itself, but this section is about quantity). Although I only took one taco in the hot food line, I’m sure I could’ve asked for more without any added interrogation. It’s hard to improve on infinity when it comes to all-you-can-eat, but I guess a few waiters and waitresses could’ve helped me keep eating without having to leave my seat.

ER: This is where dining service scored all of their points. I was pretty happy with the large selection of food. Once out of the hot food line, there was still a large selection at the salad bar. I now understand where my “freshman 15” came from. With a full tray of food and a few dishes on the side, I was a happy with dinner. That is, until I tasted the food. For $5.75, I couldn’t ask for more food. It’s too bad places with good food rarely offer all-you-can-eat.

Quality/Taste:

AL: Falling asleep in your taco is bad form, but after trying to eat a Dining Service taco, I was wondering if the cafeteria tables should have head restraints. This wasn’t just tasteless food — it was actually so lifeless, it was frightening. All the salt in all the oceans of the world couldn’t have livened up my pseudo-Mexican meal.

Sadly, my memories of the ISU Dining salad bar hadn’t changed either. The selection itself is pretty good, with quite a few tidbits to occupy a plateful of iceberg. Unfortunately, I’m a ranch dressing addict, and Dining Service’s ranch still tastes like it comes from a 50-gallon bucket — which it probably does.

ER: When the chicken in the one taco tastes like the beef in the other taco and the beef in the taco tastes like the meat in the Midwest sandwich, you know you have a problem. I couldn’t believe food service had perfected the uni-meat — “one meat good for everything.” I was almost to the point of pouring salt on my tongue before I ate my food. I’ve never had a more bland meal, but then again, I guess I didn’t have Aaron’s meal last week. They even screwed up the nacho cheese — it didn’t have a spicy zip like the other dorm I lived in after the “incident” in Maple. Nacho day used to be my favorite in the dorms and now it’s ruined. I’m not sure where it took a turn for the worse, but everyone in the dorms is better off catching the CyRide to El Azteca when nacho day rears it ugly head again.

Final Say:

AL: 1 of 5 forks

ER: 1 of 5 forks