I have lost all hope in one of the nation’s troops — my best friend is becoming a bandwagoning, militant puppet who goes against everything I stand for.

More specifically, he betrayed my trust last night by stepping up his right-wing agenda and drunkenly attacking me both with words and fists despite our 80-pound weight difference.

My best friend is a conservative. I guess he can be best described as a libertarian, but he chooses to be affiliated with the right as compared to the left. It amazes me how he can promote anti-liberal propaganda equating liberalism with stupidity unworthy of a place in our country.

I was looking forward to him joining the National Guard even though it has been an issue between us. I have had a hard time understanding why he would want to travel overseas to put his life on the line. He doesn’t have strong convictions for what is happening in other parts of the world — he just wants to go shoot some people. But despite all of this, I have been supportive even though I will miss him greatly.

You see, my friend has bounced around from job to job and school to school trying to figure out his path in life. If he has truly found his calling, kudos to him.

However, when he says he has more trust in people he has “known” less than two days than he has in me — someone who has had an active role in his succeeding in life — I am going to be upset.

This is exactly what he told me last night. I know this was the talk of an inebriated man, and I know he really didn’t mean it. However, I have noticed a disturbing trend with him — independent thought is slowly being replaced by conformist military ideology. I can forgive him for what he said, I just can’t forget how he said it.

I am in support of my best friend’s decision to join the National Guard, not only because it might be good for him, but I also figured it would give me positive insight into the ways of our armed forces. Much to my disappointment, some of their policies seem to be archaic.

Aside from not being able to have anal sex with any living creature for fear of being court-martialed, there are many other punishable offenses that seem less than important. On a side note, it is also forbidden to try to convince someone to sodomize or be sodomized.

Also, although it isn’t punishable, it is not recommended to buy and imbibe foreign-made spirits. This may seem trivial, but I have always been displeased with people who were closed-minded toward any beer that doesn’t bear the ubiquitously American Budweiser label.

It seems strange all of these individuals could fall into a one-size-fits-all policy. I suppose it is very important to have a strong sense of unity among the people with whom you will be risking your life, but at what cost? It still bothers me that my friend will be abandoning independent thought, to a certain degree, to pursue a career in the military.

After being in the Guard for one day, my good friend glorified a piece of paper left out in clear view for all to see. It was a spoof of the Uncle Sam posters with a big “YOU” at the top. In this poster, Uncle Sam was telling all of the “liberal pussies” to shut up while the military protected the freedoms of our country. While it was not sanctioned by the government, it clearly represents the mindset of many soldiers.

Do all the men and women who sign up to serve believe what is said in this poster? I find it very hard to conceive of this — if it is actually true, it’s pathetic.

Now, before everyone starts writing in to condemn me as an unpatriotic scumbag, let’s remember that criticizing an aspect of our country doesn’t make me un-American. If anything, it makes me more American than those who would condemn me. What you consider to be patriotic, I consider to be jingoistic.

Why must I be worried when I speak out against the actions of our government? Why is intolerance being taught to our military?

I guess this is the part where I’ll be politely told to “love it or leave it.” This mentality does nothing to move our country forward. America is a place for free thought.

It’s ironic that our military is securing our freedoms abroad and then trying to limit our freedom of thought at home. Seriously, make up your minds. Are we a country that welcomes the right of dissent, or are we a country of governmental servants?

Finally, I’d just like to clarify the fact that I support anyone who puts their life on the line for their country. But please don’t expect me to always agree with the powers that be to appease you.

I’m making good use of the freedoms you’ve fought to protect. What good is having these freedoms when we don’t use them?