I met “Mark” through the church youth choir. He was a year ahead of me in high school. His father serves as the music director and his mother volunteers on several church committees and sings in the adult choir. His family is an integral part of the church.

I always admired him — he was cute, smart and always seemed to get us girls giggling. His parents had high hopes for him, including college, a meaningful career, marriage and grandchildren. “Mark” thought he wanted all that, too.

Three years later, he made the shocking announcement at the pulpit during a service that he is gay. I remember it well. He told almost 200 people that day about his agony, his efforts to resist it, his anger with God for his circumstances, and finally, his journey toward self-acceptance.

“Mark” is gay, but I have never thought any less of him. And now, “Mark” has found someone he’d like to spend the rest of his life with. Unfortunately, the law will not allow him to legally marry another man.

Our families are good friends, and friends support each other and love each other unconditionally, not because of what they do, but because of who they are. That’s why it doesn’t seem so unreasonable to me to grant gay and lesbian couples the same rights and benefits of a legal marriage.

A ruling in Canada’s courts legalizing same-sex marriages shocked the United States. What does that mean for us? Washington social conservatives are grumbling, growling and shaking self-righteous fingers to damn all homosexuals to hell and are declaring such a preposterous idea immoral and unnatural. Meanwhile, the gay community has one more excuse to grab the spotlight to whine about inequality and accuse the government of discrimination.

The most compelling argument those opposed to legalizing same-sex marriages make is regarding the sanctity of a union between a man and a woman as created by God for procreation and security. That sounds great on paper and some actually do abide by that. There are, however, many things created by God that we have already shattered, misused and destroyed.

Like divorce. Why not make that illegal? Last time I checked, the Bible declared divorce to be sinful. The “traditional family” is more the exception than the norm since the divorce rate skyrocketed. Yet today it’s socially acceptable. Women have already proven that they can raise children on their own. There are plenty of heterosexual couples who choose not to have any children.

There seems to be some fear that the social and moral fabric of society will collapse if same-sex couples are allowed the same legal rights as heterosexual couples, like buying houses, sharing bank accounts or raising children. Research published in the American Journal of Pediatrics has not shown evidence that children raised by same-sex couples are maladjusted, disadvantaged or become homosexuals themselves.

How many maladjusted, troubled children have some heterosexual couples created through abuse or neglect? If a committed, loving, same-sex couple has the means to provide a safer, more nurturing environment, conducive to child-rearing, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be awarded legal custody of children as well.

A discussion about legalizing gay marriages was broadcast on public radio last week. One of the participants mused this issue might seem silly in 50 to 100 years, and compared it to the uproar concerning interracial marriages years ago. The world didn’t come to an end.

Some argue this issue is more about the separation of church and state. President Bush and other conservative leaders who oppose gay marriages often use religious terminology in explaining why the state must defend heterosexual-only marriage laws. Los Angeles Times columnist Robert Scheer wrote, “Marriage is a civic institution not in any way requiring the participation of religious organizations. Government policies favor the family unit. If the state is offering special benefits for those couples who mary, then to exclude gays is simply unconstitutional.”

“Mark” has a long road ahead of him, but he’s got a lot of courage and the support of his friends and family. We were created with the desire to love and be loved. We are commanded by God to love one another. Can those who oppose homosexuality look beyond their self-righteous wall of hate and recognize the common thread of humanity we share?