I’m old. Before you look at my mug shot and laugh, let me explain. I’ve been an ISU student for more years than I’d like to admit. Without giving away any specifics, let’s just say I’m close to completing the four-year plan. Twice.

Up until recently, it didn’t bother me. But a few weeks ago, I had a moment of clarity. A late-night gab session at the Daily office strayed to the topic of the first movie any of us could remember seeing in the theater.

Most said “E.T.” Others said “Cinderella.” For me, it was “The Care Bears Movie” (okay, now you can laugh). But the answer that almost knocked me out of my chair was from one of the Daily’s new freshman page designers.

“Home Alone.”

For a moment, I thought she was joking. But suddenly it dawned on me — the freshman class at Iowa State was born the same year I started first grade.

In an instant, I understood how my parents felt when I first played Nirvana in the house. Trust me — it’s a sick, sick feeling.

I desperately need to feel young again. So for just one day, let’s forget about onstage suicides, entertainment media conglomerations and the RIAA. Nostalgia is healthy, natural and fun — if it weren’t, VH1 would be out of business.

If your childhood memories are more closely tied to Furby than Teddy Ruxpin, stop reading right now. But for all the seniors, super seniors and especially my people, the super-duper seniors who simply refuse to graduate, this column is for you.

Whatever happened to …

• Legos. Don’t even say it, young pups — I realize you all had Legos. I’m not talking about the dainty, Disney-themed, only-work-if-you-make-what’s-on-the-box Legos. I’m talking about the Dumpster-sized-bin-filled-with-nothing-but-squares-and-rectangles Legos. If you lost a brick, nobody cared. You had 10,000 identical pieces in three different colors with which to replace it.

• “Punky Brewster.” The animated series didn’t hold a candle to the original NBC sitcom. And the beautiful Soleil Moon Frye is a lot more fun to watch now that she’s in her late twenties. But how many of us would’ve perished, had the little rapscallion not taught us the dangers of playing hide-and-go-seek inside an old refrigerator?

• Transformers. The Optimus Prime action figure stood for all that was right with toys in the ’80s. It was massive. It had metal parts. You could ram your sister’s Barbie collection head-on for hours and never scratch the paint. Nowadays, everything’s cheap, plastic and flimsy. Show me your favorite Power Ranger, and I’ll show you an Autobot who could kick its ass.

• He-Man. He was a sexually ambiguous pretty boy who wore strange clothes and played with tigers. He’s lucky to be alive.

The days of my youth are gone, and I’m learning to accept it. But every so often, it’s necessary for my generation of lost college students to reflect on the simpler times of My Little Pony and My Pet Monster. We must raise our snap-braceleted arms in unison and fight to preserve our childhood memories.