In one of the first scenes of the movie, we get to look at the aged, withered face of Woody Allen. This guy is getting old, and at 67, is far too mature in his years to take on the role of a man who flatters women by both his intellect and — supposedly — his looks.

But this isn’t the first scene in “Anything Else.” This is from “Small Time Crooks,” the 2000 film that was, according to some, the first true sign of Allen losing his touch.

This is important because it concerns Allen’s age. Especially because his films hold up a suspension of disbelief that he could land some classy, younger dames to the likes of Mariel Hemingway, Julia Roberts and Mira Sorvino in movies past.

Thankfully, the Woodman has given these duties to someone else. Unfortunately, that person is Jason Biggs.

This brings up a great counterpoint to the thought of seeing this film: If you can’t stand watching this guy get into crazy sexual antics in the “American Pie” movies, there’s no way you’ll be able to stand the intellectual sexual antics in “Anything Else.”

Biggs stars as Jerry Falk, a twenty-something comedy writer who enjoys afternoon conversations with David Dobel, played by Allen, a 60-year-old writer who has become somewhat of a mentor.

David educates Jerry on the writing business while Jerry entertains David with tribulations with his girlfriend Amanda, played by Christina Ricci.

Basically, Jerry complains about the things this girl does that drive him insane. However, during the small percentage of the time she isn’t being shrill or inconsiderate, she has some interesting things to say about music and literature.

It’s a wonder why Biggs puts up with it for any reason other than the pure convenience. Allen needed to tell the same story he has before, minus the heavy-handed social comments or the exploration into his characters. All of this so Allen can find a cartoonish and tidy medium with a younger audience.

“Anything Else” is a departure from the witty and intelligent prose of his earlier work such as “Annie Hall,” his mid-career detailed glimpses into multiple characters’ lives in movies such as “Hannah and Her Sisters” (his best film to date) and his eventual return to the quirky, neurotic and indulgent Allen, which pretty much sums up his work in the 1990s.

Though Woody has handed over the reins to a much younger actor, thereby awarding all of his qualities and mannerisms to him in transit, Biggs doesn’t do much more than annoyingly stammer and mumble much like his co-star.

This should all matter to the very, very disappointed 17-year-old high school couple who went to this movie over the weekend, who looked at each other several times during the movie and wondered, “Why isn’t this guy sticking his junk into a pie?”

“Anything Else” was marketed to audiences who recognized Jason Biggs and Christina Ricci but were only given tidbits, if any, of a kooky old Allen popping up in the ads along with them.

So why does this film not work?

Other than what I’ve just mentioned, mostly because Allen has given us stale leftovers. “Anything Else” borrows from his best work: “Another Woman,” “Deconstructing Harry” and “Manhattan,” to name a few.

Woody Allen may enjoy the free ride other critics have given him solely because this is his film, but “Anything Else” is Woody Allen minus the bark and the bite.