California is in trouble, no doubt. Not only do residents of the state have to deal with an economic crisis, there’s a good chance Gov. Gray Davis will be replaced by actor Arnold Schwarzenegger. While I think it’s a good idea for Arnold to gracefully step away from the silver screen, he needs to realize the fact that he is not the cure for the Californians’ woes.

Schwarzenegger recently appeared on “The O’Reilly Factor” on Fox News. I must give him credit for doing so — Bill O’Reilly is the last person anyone would want to be interviewed by on national television. He’s smart and will make you look like a fool. Surprisingly, Bill didn’t attack Arnold as much as I thought he would. Regardless, Schwarzenegger looked like a fool because he really has no clear-cut plan on how to fix California. His mindless babbling is full of rhetoric.

Arnold doesn’t want to “punish the people for politicians’ mistakes” by raising taxes to help compensate the deficit. He also wants to “take the waste out” of the state’s budget. While these ideas are nice to think about, why does Schwarzenegger think he can succeed where true politicians and economic experts have failed? As Mr. O’Reilly succinctly stated, Schwarzenegger is relying on trust.

Maybe trust isn’t such a bad platform. After all, Arnold has saved the world from deadly machines several times in the movies. Schwarzenegger looks like a saint compared to Gary Coleman. People probably trust him a lot more than the likes of Larry Flynt and Mary “Mary Carey” Cook.

There’s only one problem — Flynt and Cook have actual ideas. Despite this fact, they have little to no chance of contending for the governorship due in part to the fact that Flynt is a “smut-peddler who cares,” and Cook is a porn star. It’s a shame no one will listen to them.

While most people contend that reducing government spending is the key, people like Flynt and Cook are being a little more creative with their economic solutions.

Flynt wants to allow private casinos to have slot machines. A 30 percent tax on this type of gambling is projected to raise about $3 billion annually for the state. Legalizing prostitution is another avenue for governmental income for Flynt, although he doubts the idea will catch on. Flynt also believes we are losing the war on drugs, but hasn’t elaborated on what he would do about it.

It’s hard to say how making lap dances a tax-deductible business expense will “grease the wheels of business,” but Cook thinks so. She’s also said Web cams would be installed in every room of the Governor’s mansion so citizens of California can watch their government at work, for a price. On another ridiculous note, Cook plans on recruiting fellow porn stars to be “ambassadors of good will” to other states to help bargain electricity deals. Yeah, right. What politician will fall into the trap of a lavishly seductive adult entertainer? I guess I could name a few.

Cook does have some valid ideas. First, she believes establishing gay marriage in California would generate tremendous revenue due to honeymooners. Secondly, she wants to coordinate the jury system and the unemployment system so that all who apply for unemployment will be called for jury duty to save money and eliminate the stress employed jurors receive from long trials.

I shouldn’t be so hard on Schwarzenegger — he has ideas, too. For example, he wants to build a $60 million “hydrogen highway” with hydrogen refueling stations every 20 miles to help the environment. He wants to be known as a champion for the environment, but there is one issue that needs to be resolved. He keeps bragging that he helped create the Hummer H2. He claims to be the person who “went to the Hummer factory and said we should make this Hummer not only a military car but a civilian car.” Not only does this boast negatively for his status as an environmentalist, Arnold owns five H2s. He’s a big guy; I suppose he can stand shooting himself in the foot to live another day.

There would be one positive to a Schwarzenegger victory — the country wouldn’t have to endure a barrage of overused one-liners from his movies. Perhaps this was the drive for his gubernatorial campaign. Knowing he would lose, a new generation of children could be exposed to the phrases “Hasta la vista, baby” and “I’ll be back.” Maybe we’ve underestimated Arnold Schwarzenegger’s true genius.