Zero chemistry and tired plot devices consume ‘Hollywood Homicide’

Man, is Harrison Ford in a career slump. After recent bombs such as “K-19: The Widowmaker,” “Random Hearts,” “Six Days, Seven Nights” and now his most recent embarrassment, “Hollywood Homicide,” Ford demonstrates that although he is no longer Indiana Jones, he also isn’t the solid box office star he once was, either.

Ford plays Joe Gavilan, a veteran homicide detective who moonlights as a realtor by night and works opposite his new partner, played by Josh Hartnett, by day. Ford plays a lonely guy — he’s recently divorced (a three-time loser), is behind on payments and consults a radio psychic (Lena Olin) for advice.

Hartnett (complete in a horrific hairdo that looks like a hideous comb-over) is Homicide Lite — he teaches a Yoga class, but he secretly wishes to become an actor. He is hosting a private performance of “A Streetcar Named Desire” for Hollywood producers — a project he is working on from the time the audience meets him.

It sounds like if the plot would have been modified just a bit, replacing Ford and Hartnett with Danny Glover and Mel Gibson, this movie would have been perfectly suited for “Lethal Weapon 5.”

“Hollywood Homicide” is a film that just doesn’t work. The jokes are thin and scattered, and none of them funny — the only snicker I mustered was when Hartnett’s phone rang the theme to “Funkytown.”

The routine is mixed in with a silly revenge subplot, a vicious Internal Affairs investigation of Ford and Hartnett’s characters and a sick romance between Ford and Olin (is it just me, or is Ford too old to be in sex scenes?).

Basically, if you name the cop movie clich‚, “Hollywood Homicide” has it.

The film, advertised as a buddy movie, is really anything but. Ford and Hartnett share little screen time together, and when they do, the two actors have zero chemistry. It’s like pairing Marilyn Manson and Jerry Falwell.

The film is yet another in a list of movies that are directed like a rap music video — filled to the brim with quick, jumpy edits and bursting with heavily-bassed music. Both implementations are a big surprise from the usually dependable Ron Shelton, director of sports movies “Bull Durham” and “Tin Cup,” who also typically masters the on-screen duo.

The dialogue is perhaps the most disparaging detail of “Hollywood Homicide.”

The script, written by Shelton and Robert Souza, a former LAPD detective, reeks of little structure and ongoing punchlines — hey … aren’t cell phone jokes and endless jabs about the mistaken orders of sandwiches funny?

The script jumps from silly to astronomically inane when our heroes depend on the psychic to find where some suspects are hiding out.

“Hollywood Homicide” was a film where I was squirming in my seat, trying to decide whether or not to walk out. Knowing there was a chase sequence at the end, I stayed seated

The chase climax, though overlong, is an example of a scene of what “Hollywood Homicide” should have been.

With a title that contains the word “Hollywood,” I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by the results. Though if you’re going to copy from a list of other cop movies, just shamelessly steal from them.

This way the filmmakers could have followed suit, employing those tired details, providing a conclusion that wouldn’t have been so sour.

‘Dumb and Dumberer’ makes the original flick look like ‘Citizen Kane’

“Impersonation is the most sincere form of plagiarism.”

Jim Carrey said this when David Letterman asked him about “Dumb and Dumberer,” prequel to “Dumb and Dumber,” when he appeared on “The Late Show” in May.

Carrey provides an approach to this painfully dull prequel: Why come up with something witty to explain my feelings for a movie where virtually everything in the film is a fabrication, direct rip-off or an unoriginal pun of its infinitely better 1994 predecessor?

“Dumb and Dumber” was a film of comedic genius, spewing its energy out of every orifice. The chemistry between Carrey, a rubber-faced laugh factory, and Jeff Daniels, more prone to dry comedy or the straight drama, is irreplaceable — it’s a film that symbolizes everything a slapstick comedy should be. It’s funny, and I laugh in spite of myself of its utter stupidity.

“Dumb and Dumberer” pales in comparison. The scatological genius of its original is replaced with witless, numbing double entendres (“I hope the carpet matches the drapes!”) and gross sex scenes between “Saturday Night Live” alum Cheri Oteri and SCTV’s Eugene Levy.

Essentially, two goof balls get involved in a shady plot and through a series of misunderstandings, the two unknowingly end up saving the day.

The problem I have with this film is it fails to deliver any comic intensity. Everything that made the original good — timing, sight gags and pure mindlessness — is lost. “Dumb and Dumberer” is trying too hard, and despite two gut-busters, the result sucks.

The actors who play the young Harry and Lloyd, Derek Richardson and Eric Christian Olsen, respectively, are nothing more than impersonators.

Richardson seems to have confused Jeff Daniels with Steve Zahn of “Saving Silverman,” an actor who practically makes a living out of impersonating Daniels in “Dumb and Dumber.” Olsen takes me completely aback — he looks like a carbon copy of Carrey. Isn’t it a shame the guy can’t pull off the clownish repertoire?

“Dumb and Dumberer” is bogged down by the attempts to mirror the original — for example, the many similar lines and expressions, a bathroom scene where Harry gets himself into some toilet trouble, and most deploring, a gag at the end where two beautiful girls drive up to our heroes and ask if they want a ride.

Isn’t it proof you’re working with weak material when Bob Saget, or Danny Tanner to his “Full House” fans, shows up and shouts a list of obscenities? How about when Mimi Rogers and the supposed “hottie” (Rachel Nichols) battle each other in a make-out scene?

The question that plagues me the most: Are fart jokes still funny?

Scenes, such as the opening credits dance number “Ice, Ice, Baby,” a song produced in 1990, is being lip-synched by Olsen, playing a high school teen in 1986 are obvious and predictable. The film’s shameless unoriginality, loose attention to detail, and disrespect for itself is all the more reason to hate it.

The biggest ordeal of “Dumb and Dumberer” is that Harry and Lloyd, just “dumb” in “Dumb and Dumber” are pathetic, under-developed, dull and moronic idiots that do purely stupid things like swallow Monopoly game pieces, and race each other drinking Slurpees for brain freezes.

The guys in “Dumb and Dumberer” aren’t dumb. They’re far beyond it.

So is the movie.