I’ve been looking for an excuse to write about wrestling — and no, I’m not talking about “real” wrestling, either — and now I have it. I’m talking about the good stuff — the WWF … or WWE.

Some people may know that the name has been changed from WWF to WWE — World Wrestling Entertainment. Vince McMahon can no longer call it the WWF because he lost a battle in the courtroom with those hippies from the World Wildlife Fund. But since I have been a fan of the real WWF for as long as I can remember, I’m still having issues with the name change.

Anyway, the reason I decided to write about wrestling is because of an article I read Monday. According to Reuters, Japan now has its own version of Jesse Ventura. Known and loved by his fans as “The Great Sasuke,” Masnori Murakawa was elected to the local assembly, while running under his ring name and wearing his traditional mask, both of which he intends to use during his entire stint in office.

This made me wonder, where else can we use pro wrestlers in the world?

The question is more important than ever now that Minnesota’s governor is no longer able to beat my governor up.

A long while back, good ol’ Hulk Hogan made a comment about possibly making a run at the White House, but that turned out to be a work in his wrestling act, while talking about possibly retiring. The Hulkster is still going strong, though, having just come off a match with McMahon, where he got the chance to beat up his boss for half an hour.

Not a bad gig, eh?

Unfortunately for Hogan, he’s getting old and his body is breaking down. You can tell by watching one of his matches. While working the same routine for longer than I have been alive, Hulk still gets his butt kicked for 20 minutes before “Hulking Up” and walking circles around his opponent and punching him a few times before delivering the vicious boot to the face and leg-drop combo. Even if you don’t watch him now, if you ever saw him during his heyday, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

It’s just not the same anymore, though. Hogan still shakes his head and waves his finger at the man who is about to feel the wrath of Hulkamania, but instead of stomping around the ring before unloading his vicious three-move assault, he just kind of gimps around the ring, kind of how my dog drags his butt after taking a dump.

To me, this is a sign that the Hulkster is too beaten up to ever be president of the United States, let alone withstand an entire campaign.

I do have an alternative, however. When the war in Iraq is over and it comes time to select a new leader to replace Saddam Hussein, just give the man in the red and yellow a call. Once all of the U.S. and British forces move out of Iraq, the Hulkster will keep the place under control. That will keep them from having any other problems with war.

Hogan could even improve the health of the Iraqi people, and you know he would be sure to maintain a strong religious base. After all, it was Hogan who always told us to remember to train, say our prayers and eat our vitamins.

I used to believe in all of that, until I realized it came from a guy who now wears a red and yellow feather boa.

I mean, who would threaten to invade a country run by a six-time former WWE champion, who was once able to body-slam Andre the Giant?

If Hogan needed some help running Iraq, he could dig into the deep roster of the WWE. Ric Flair is getting pretty old, too, and it pains me to have to watch him actually wrestle on Monday nights. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he wore a “bro,” or a “manssiere,” if you will.

It’s kind of like the scene in “Big Daddy.” Nobody wants to see Ric Flair walking around the ring with his loose skin, and old … you know the rest. Gross.

The Nature Boy is from North Carolina, and I have read that the second he tried to run for a political office, it would belong to him. Flair could be named Hogan’s vice president, if that’s the type of system they are going to install in Iraq. I would like to see Flair stylin’ and profilin’ down the streets of Baghdad, putting looters and rebels in the figure four until their legs fall asleep.

Imagine the potential of a country run by two of the greatest “sports entertainers” of all time. Pretty soon they may try and take over America. But as Hogan’s old theme song said, he is a “Real American,” so I think the United Nations should give this combination a chance.

The only problem is … would President Bush consider Hogan’s 24-inch pythons weapons of mass destruction?