There is certainly a child within us all. Somewhere inside — buried deep for many of us — is the pre-pubescent mentality that only exists before innocence is lost. Yet, ongoing “playground” battles with France have proven that much of America is still very much in tune with the little brats that they were growing up.

It all started in early March, before Operation Iraqi Freedom had even commenced. Moved by anger toward France’s refusal to support American massacre of innocent Iraqi people — oh sorry, I mean war — three cafeterias in the House of Representatives changed their menus to say “freedom fries,” instead of “french fries.”

Rep. Bob Ney, R-Ohio, told CNN that, “This action today is a small, but symbolic effort to show the strong displeasure of many on Capitol Hill with the actions of our so-called ally, France.”

But freedom is not just in the House; it is in the air too. According to Reuters, President Bush was served “freedom toast” aboard Air Force One on March 26. This change was just another example of how childish our nation has become since the start of the campaign against Saddam Hussein’s regime.

Last, but certainly not least, there is one more way to participate in the America’s child-like game of “you’re not my friend anymore.” So don’t worry if you aren’t planning on flying Air Force One anytime soon, there is still a way you can show your patriotism. You may not be able to soar with freedom, but you can smell of it: French Cleaners, a 92-year-old laundry chain, is changing its name. Guess what the new name is?

(Hint: This isn’t a trick question. If you don’t get this one right you probably shouldn’t be in college. Perhaps you can join the House Republicans back in kindergarten if you can’t figure the answer out.)

OK, if the suspense is killing you, die no longer. The correct answer — in case you haven’t caught on to the trend — is Freedom Cleaners. Last weekend, the Associated Press reported that L. Philip Cote, owner of French Cleaners, would be covering the word “French” on his store sign in West Hartford, Conn., and replacing it with the more politically acceptable word “Freedom.”

All of this replacement of “French” with “freedom” is absolutely juvenile. Instead of supporting differing viewpoints and engaging in a mature debate, the U.S. government and many of its citizens have developed an “if you’re not with us then you’re against us” approach. Despite France’s past assistance to the United States, particularly in the American Revolution (albeit a delayed assistance), America is making infantile quips to insult the French.

As if anti-American sentiment wasn’t already high enough in the world due to Bush’s war.

This renaming business is reminiscent of the anti-German fervor in World War I. Instead of sauerkraut Americans ate “liberty cabbage.” No longer did U.S. citizens catch German measles — they developed a case of “liberty measles.” Of course, the difference is we were actually at war with Germany.

I can just imagine telling someone I have contracted a bad case of “liberty.” Or maybe I should go to a local McDonald’s and order “freedom fries” to do my patriotic duty of insulting the people of France.

But honestly, why stop with fries, toast and laundry? There is a whole slew of French things contaminating this country …

* First and foremost, the French kiss must be renamed. Something so wonderful can certainly not be attributed to those dirty French people. We will have freedom kisses so that whenever you are making out with someone, you are supporting your country.

* There will no longer be any French berets. In America, we will only have freedom berets. They will be striped red, white and blue to remind the world who the greatest nation really is.

* By no means can we allow French Canadians to come to the United States. If they want to cross the border, they must declare themselves Freedom Canadians. This way, we can spread our joy of liberty to other nations.

Obviously, this childish game of insults is nothing short of pathetic. Instead of trying to stifle opposing views, the U.S. government and its people should open up an ear and listen. Those opposing Operation Iraqi Freedom have some valid concerns, not the least of which is the deaths of many Iraqis who have done nothing wrong.

This is not the age of innocence. The American populace needs to stop acting like children.