The choices that have to be considered and the decisions that have to be made when a young woman is faced with an unexpected pregnancy can be overwhelming.

For Amber, a nursing student at Des Moines Area Community College who asked her last name not be released, it was one of the most important decisions of her life, but also one of the best.

When Amber was faced with an unexpected pregnancy at the age of 17, she said the biggest emotion she felt was denial.

She said her initial reaction was, “This can’t happen.”

Amber said she checked all her options, including abortion, before finally deciding to start making adoption plans.

She said she ruled out abortion after she did research and realized it is a huge medical procedure and something she didn’t want to put her body through. She said there was nothing political about her decision to not have an abortion.

“It was not a risk I was not willing to take,” she said.

Amber said she also realized she wouldn’t be able to provide a good quality of life for her unborn child. Wanting to go to college, Amber realized she wouldn’t be able to be with her child and give the child everything it would need.

“I wanted to give my child two parents and a loving home,” she said.

Amber started looking at adoptive couples through the Catholic Charities adoption agency. For the first seven months of her pregnancy, Amber thought she had her answer. She had found a couple through the service, but she said she never felt quite right about it because the family was located so far away.

While at lunch one day, Amber said her mom told her of a couple she was friends with who had been trying for years to have children and had gone through several failed adoptions. Amber said she decided this would be the best option for her child because she would always know her child was in a loving and supportive family.

Amber and her mother used the help of Karen Combs of Family Connections in McCallsburg to set up the private adoption. Amber said Combs provided her with a lawyer to legalize the relationship and also gave her the emotional counseling she needed before and after the birth.

Combs said her agency provides counseling to help birth parents make an educated decision. When the birth parents have made a decision, Combs said she will then refer them to agencies which will best meet their needs, whether it is parenting resources, adoption options or abortion clinics.

Family Connections also provides adoption services to birth parents, she said.

Combs said when birth parents come to her to make an adoption plan she can provide them with profiles of prospective adoptive parents. The birth parents then are able to choose the parents that match their needs and wishes for their child. An informal meeting is then set up between both parties so they can get to know each other.

From this point on all decisions are up to the birth parents on how involved the adoptive parents will be during the pregnancy, Combs said. Both sets of parents work together before the birth to determine how involved the birth parents will be in the child’s life.

“If you get issues on the table early, then you can think about what you want,” Combs said. “The plan can also change at any time.”

Susan Bokhoven, board president of Birthright of Ames, said a meeting between an adoptive couple and birth parents is like a job interview. “[Adoptive parents] want the birth mother to feel comfortable with them,” she said.

Bokhoven said no adoption is final until after the birth. In Iowa, the birth mother and father must sign release papers 72 hours after the birth and then again after another 96 hours.

“The waiting period protects the birth parents so they are of sound mind to make a rational decision,” Bokhoven said. “Once you give birth your hormones are fluctuating and you are feeling a whole realm of emotions.”

The adoption isn’t legally finalized until six months after the birth to make sure everything goes well with the adoption and custody, Bokhoven said. The adoption agency is actually the legal guardian of the child for the first six months.

Bokhoven also said adoption agencies don’t charge any fees and they pay for all lawyer fees and medical fees not covered by insurance.

Marlene Hibma, branch director of Bethany Christian Services of south central Iowa, said adoptions have changed in the last 20 years and people shouldn’t “get swayed too much by how the media presents adoption.”

She said adoption has changed radically, from being closed with birth parents not even seeing the child to being very open with a lot of communication between the birth parents and the adoptive parents.

“People come to us now with more control and more options in the [adoption] process,” she said. “It’s really a dramatic change.”

Bethany Christian Services has a program called Adoption for Your Generation, which allows birth parents to choose a family, meet with them and form a relationship. Hibma said this program is tailored to foster open adoptions. She said children who are adopted and have contact with the birth parents do better emotionally.

“It is beneficial to all parties to have a relationship between the birth parents and the adoptive family,” Hibma said. “You may not be in the best position to parent your child but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship with your child.”

Bokhoven said even though birth parents may go through some hard times after the birth, adoptions can work out beautifully because they give their child a birthday and the gift of life and the parents know their child has a loving family.

“I think birth parents are very pleased with adoption plans because they help [in the decisionmaking process],” Bokhoven said.

Amber said it was hard at first to see her child but it got easier each time they met. She said they get together on her birthday, for holidays and a couple times in the summer. When they are together they play and have a good time.

“It was the best thing for me and the best thing for her. I don’t ever wonder how she’s doing,” she said.

Amber said part of her decision to make an adoption plan was selfish because she wanted to do things in her life that she wouldn’t be able to do with a child.

“I didn’t think I was strong enough [to care for my child],” she said. Amber said it was worth it though to see her child and know she’s happy.