I, like many ISU people, was very disheartened when I picked up my favorite daily periodical (The Des Moines Register) and noted a story featuring Larry Eustachy. The headline screamed of potential troubles for Coach Eustachy, but upon further inspection, I noticed something I couldn’t ignore.

Eustachy is the state’s highest paid employee, and earns an ungodly amount of cash for making nobodies like Clint Varley into basketball players. He has been put into a position of great power and prestige. The people should be able to be proud of their coach’s actions and demeanor.

So what really happened that fateful night in Missouri? My conclusions are quite clear and concise. Either: 1) Larry Eustachy is completely without class and dignity, and was caught drinking and smooching some fat chicks; or 2) The photos in the Register were completely doctored and altered, and thus a complete falsehood.

You see, in every photograph of Eustachy, he is depicted drinking a beverage which can be simply described as “boat gas.” Natural Lite has long since been known as the beverage of discerning red-necks and other class-less hooligans.

The obvious conclusion is that Eustachy is the victim here. These photos were obviously doctored by the folks over at Natural Lite. These bastards took photos of Eustachy and added their inferior product to each image. I repeat, Eustachy is the victim here. After all, Eustachy’s personal income is nearly 50 times that of the average “Natty Lite” drinker.

Ryan Hulleman

Industrial & Manufacturing

Systems Engineering

Freshman