Personally, I am glad that the City Council is looking out for my health. With unlimited drink specials banned, I know that I will no longer “binge drink” myself stupid. I am also glad that I don’t have to breathe in secondhand smoke at restaurants or live in overpopulated housing.

To return the favor to the City Council, I have proposed some new ordinances that will help further improve the City of Ames:

1) The City Council should ban “all you can eat buffets” because residents of Ames are obese.

2) The City Council should ban chemical and biological weapons from being produced in our community because it is wrong.

3) The City Council should ban all students from having a voice in the community because they are fundamentally ignorant of what it really means to be a resident of Ames.

4) The City Council should suppress the people of Ames from doing anything that City Council deems as “fun.”

5) The City Council should ban all forms of religion because religion kills.

After all of these actions are taken, Ames will be well on its way to resembling our sister city: Baghdad.

Matt Heying

Senior

Mechanical Engineering