There’s no one waiting for me. In that Australian city of more than a million people, not a single one of them is expecting my arrival.

I actually hope that’s not true, but everything seems to tell me that it is. The Study Abroad office has failed to respond to any of my attempts at contact. They offered to pick me up at the airport in my acceptance letter, but then I hear nothing when I tell them my arrival time.

I did hear from the housing department. My apartment won’t be ready until four days after my arrival. That means I don’t even have a place to stay, let alone someone to pick me up at the airport and drive me there.

Maybe it’s better this way. I would hate to have someone show up, not knowing that they would be forced to join me on my quest for housing.

I did receive confirmation of enrollment, but I have heard nothing about my classes. I tried to sign up for some, but who knows? Maybe those were full, so they just signed me up for Being a Stupid Yank 201 and Underwater Idiocy.

Well, I hear the latter is a graduate-level course, so it can’t be all bad.

I finished packing my bags today. This involved packing my bags, weighing them and then eliminating the junk.

I have prepared for the next six months of my life in a foreign land with two bags. It seems like so little, compared to the entire carload of possessions that I drag to Iowa State every year. And that’s no foreign land.

I feel like I should have more stuff to help me deal with this new place. If I get homesick, I should be able to sit in that rocking chair that’s been in front of our fireplace for years. I want the comforting presence of my dog or my kitchen sink.

That sounds a little odd, but do you know what I say? “Screw you, idiom, I want my kitchen sink.”

But instead of that, I packed what ended up sounding like the bags of the new members of Project Mayhem in the movie “Fight Club”; one pair black pants, two pair black socks, one black jacket, etc. I even have the $300 personal burial money. I’m the monkey, ready to be shot into space.

With a packing list like that, I feel like I’ve come a little closer to being a Goth. I was told black was an “international” look. “It’s classic black,” I was told. My mound of curls is the only thing saving me from that dark style.

I’ve also been hearing all sorts of scary things about how it’s different in Australia. Here in the good ol’ U.S. of A, our toilets flush down counterclockwise. In Australia, they go clockwise. How am I supposed to deal with that? I’ve been having nightmares about these toilets, and I haven’t even seen one yet.

I’m just worried that I’m going to be expected to poop differently to please these free-thinking johns. The Aussies call them dunnies, which proves to me that they are radically different. As long as I can still sit on the little rascals I won’t have to risk the Australian version of public indecency.

“The Yank was caught doing what?” That could be very bad for me in both a judicial and social sense. Something like that could lead to an early flight home, which I definitely don’t need.

I’m sorry. This column has strayed into less-than-pleasant territory, but I think it’s important for you to understand the broad range of my worries. When nothing is known, the imagination can run away with everything.

I’m just glad that I am visiting one of the countries that is backing Bush’s push for war on Iraq. If I had to try to defend my country to the citizens of a country wanting to give the inspectors more time, I would get eaten alive. At least now they are just as guilty as I with respect to the war.

I also hear they eat a lot of meat. That will give me one more major difference with these people, as I’m a vegetarian. Are there vegetarians in Australia?

I did grow up in Wyoming, the land of billboards that read, “This is Cattle Country. Eat beef.” That should have given me some practice at being the only non-meat eater.

So, I set off into the unknown. By the time you read this, I will be down under. I just hope one of the dunnies doesn’t get me.

Nathan Galloway is a senior in biology from Sheridan, Wyo.