Storyline of the future: Thousands of crazed fans stormed the field at Jack Trice Stadium after Iowa State’s 36-14 thrashing of Nebraska to take a ride on the goal posts.

Wait a second, wasn’t that what happened Saturday?

Rumors abound that the ISU athletic department is going to put a coin slot on the uprights and charge a couple quarters per ride. It’ll be like those mechanical horses outside department stores, only better.

Add it up, that’s at least a couple grand.

All jokes aside, it’s kind of embarrassing to be known as an engineering school and not be able to ground the goal posts.

And to see those state troopers and security guards smirking as if to say “go ahead and try, kiddies, it’ll be fun to watch” – that was just plain wrong.

This is the second time in as many years the students have tried and failed to conquer the metal uprights. After last year’s thrilling 17-14 win over Iowa, a similar situation ensued.

Students rushed, jumped on, fell off, and went home. Sure it was entertaining, but disappointing as well.

It’s not just happening – or being attempted – at Iowa State. Two years ago, South Carolina head coach Lou Holtz compared the national craze of tearing down goal posts to something even more prevalent at college football games.

“It’s become like the Wave,” Holtz said in The New Orleans Times Picayune. “Hey, everybody’s doing the Wave. Let’s tear down the goal posts. … I think tearing the goal posts down has become very, very popular, but it’s also very dangerous.”

It’s not too far off, considering the number of times it has happened in recent years. And Holtz would know, after watching the goal posts fall several times as he brought back the Gamecocks back to prominence.

The so-called “indestructible” goal posts were first installed at Iowa State in 1998. Typical goal posts range from $3,000 to $7,500. Tom Kroeschell, ISU media relations director, said Iowa State’s cost more than that, but the move made sense for safety reasons.

“It’s very dangerous when those goal posts go down and we’ve had people get injured, seriously injured, on the field,” Kroeschell said.

Safety didn’t seem to enter the minds of the fit guys, fat guys, young guys and old guys trying to tackle the yellow beast Saturday.

As I watched, I wondered when the poor things will ever stop being discriminated against. All they do is stand there, not trying to cause any trouble, and what do they get? About 20 drunk college students (19 of whom are just happy to be there), a 50-year-old hanging on for dear life on the left corner and Atif Austin all pulling, swaying and rocking its limbs like it’s going out of style.

There’s a few problems with this scheme.

First of all, I think we can do better than Austin if we’re trying to get the goal posts down. Someone like offensive lineman Dwayne Johnson, who tips the scales at 321 pounds, would be more appropriate. Or Jordan Carstens, who’s a hefty 300.

Then we’ll see what happens.

Secondly, the fifty-year-old needs to realize it’s not the ’60s anymore, unless of course he’s a non-traditional student.

An even better idea would be to smuggle an oversized crescent wrench into the game and go for the base. I heard it was tried on Saturday, but ticket-takers foiled that plan.

Although I’ve never seen it happen, it’s been said the goal posts used to be tossed in Lake LaVerne or deposited on the president’s lawn. Ah, the good ol’ days.

I guess this age of technology does have some drawbacks.

The University of Iowa has also diverted post-game celebrations away from the goal posts. After Iowa State won its fifth straight against the hated rivals, officials didn’t wait to see what would happen.

They popped the lock and flipped the goal posts down before anyone had a chance to attack them.

They knew an attack on the uprights was coming no matter who took home the Cy-Hawk Trophy.

Of course, hopefully this will be irrelevant in the future. Iowa State could rise farther than anyone ever expected and become a team with a long-standing tradition of winning, one whose fans don’t resort to goal-post violence because a win is expected every time.

We can only hope – for the goal posts’ sake.

Jeff

Raasch

is a junior in journalism

and mass communication from Odebolt. He is the assignment sports editor

of the Daily.