In the beginning, there was Cher. The flower child rose to fame in the ’60s with her late ex-husband Sonny Bono as an entertainment duo and has kept on going ever since. With over 25 albums to her name, the singer has a cult following from every decade. Cher has touched every area of entertainment, from cinema to infomercials.

Then there was Cyndi Lauper. Lauper’s first album hit the scene in 1983, with four top 5 hits and themes ranging from masturbation (“She Bop”), to the joys of being female (“Girls Just Want to Have Fun”). Lauper’s ever-changing hair colors and new-wave fashion made her the idol of prepubescent girls across the nation.

Back to the 2Ks, the two are on a tour that is being touted as Cher fans’ last chance to see her in concert. Cher may have the ’60s, ’70s and ’90s to herself, but during the days of Donkey Kong and leg warmers, Lauper could have the edge. Tension and harsh feelings between the two? Who knows, but it would be fun if they got in a fight on stage, now, wouldn’t it?

When the Daily’s attempt to get WWE and Cher and Lauper’s concert to fall on the same night failed, we decided to take matters into our own hands and show what would happen if the two battled for the title of top diva of the ’80s. As we all know, to reign supreme as the queen of the shallow era of MTV is the dream of every aging pop star.

Real Name

Cher: Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre

Cyndi Lauper: Cynthia Ann Stephanie Lauper

Birthdate

Cher: May 20, 1946

Cyndi Lauper: June 22, 1953

Birthplace

Cher: El Centro, Calif.

Cyndi Lauper: Brooklyn, New York

Significant Others

Cher: Sonny Bono, Warren Beatty, Gregg Allman, Gene Simmons, Val Kilmer, Richie Sambora

Cyndi Lauper: ex-manager David Wolff, actor David Thornton

Winner: Cher. Name anything memorable David Thornton’s ever done besides “Home Alone 3.”

Children

Cher: daughter, gay activist Chastity Bono and son, nu-metal band Deadsy member Elijah Blue Allman.

Cyndi Lauper: son, Declyn

Winner: Cher. Cyndi’s son is too young to champion for human rights or rock hard.

Acting Credits

Cher: “Mask” and “Moonstruck,” not to mention that infamous hair products infomercial.

Cyndi Lauper: A little movie called “Vibes,” and various sitcom cameos.

Winner: Cher. Does that shampoo work on wigs too?

Tattoos

Cher: At least six, including one on each buttock.

Cyndi Lauper: None she’ll admit to.

Winner: Cyndi Lauper. They say Cher is getting her tats removed-wimp.

Number of Albums Released in the ’80s

Cher: Five

Cyndi Lauper: Three.

Winner: Cher. We said “number,” not “quality.”

Song About Time

Cher: “If I Could Turn Back Time”

Cyndi Lauper: “Time After Time”

Winner: Cyndi Lauper. Mainly because the “If I Could Turn Back Time” video is just nasty.

Famous Hairstyle

Cher: Original long black hippie style, lots of wigs

Cyndi Lauper: Shaved checkerboard pattern (“Time After Time” video)

Winner: Cyndi Lauper. Mainstream America never knew checkerboard hair was even possible before Cyndi did it.

Fashion

Cher: Known for her Bob Mackie award-show wear, made People magazine’s “Worst-Dressed List.”

Cyndi Lauper: poufy dresses, quintessential ’80s fare.

Winner: Cyndi Lauper. Cher may have been on the cutting edge of fashion, but Cyndi dressed an entire generation of girls.

Famous Gossip

Cher: So many pizza delivery boys, so little time

Cyndi Lauper: Dumped her long-time manager and boyfriend for a not-so-famous actor.

Winner: Cher. Would you like sausage on that?

Cheesiest Music Video

Cher: “I Got You Babe” featuring Beavis & Butthead

Cyndi Lauper: “Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough”

Winner: Cyndi Lauper. She provided the song for the best ’80s movie of all time, “The Goonies.”

Lasting Memory

Cher: “If I Could Turn Back Time” video.

Cyndi Lauper: Pure ’80s fashion, street smarts and Brooklyn attitude.

Winner: Have you ever noticed that the only parts of the video VH1 shows anymore are the ones showing Cher’s butt? Cyndi Lauper wins.

Winner: Cher

It was a close one, but it looks as though Cher comes through as the bigger ’80s diva.

– Jeff Mitchell and Megan Hinds