I was born in Sioux City, which is terribly close to the state of Nebraska. Luckily, my parents got sick and tired of Nebraska football fans and moved us to the more central location of Des Moines when I was six.

But I¡ll never forget that part of my life when I was so closely associated with Nebraska fans ¢ the first people I have ever heard refer to their team as we.Œ WeŒ are the best team in the country. WeŒ are going to a bowl game.

It makes me sick just thinking about it.

Nebraska fans walk with a certain stride that makes me want to trip them. For years, they have talked about being a Nebraska fan as if it takes a special person.

The entire state shuts down when Nebraska plays football, and grocery stores broadcast the games over the intercom.

I don¡t know if they get it, but the movie Varsity BluesŒ was supposed to be poking fun of football fans that desperately need to get a life.

Anyway, I¡ve been patiently waiting 22 years for this weekend to come. A weekend that finds the Iowa State Cyclones as favorites over Nebraska ¢ and even ranked higher in the Associated Press poll.

The last time Iowa State beat Nebraska ¢ in 1992 ¢ I was 12 years old and my oldest brother, who turned 30 yesterday, was enrolled at Iowa State.

Sure it was a fun time and a big shocker, but it¡s not like Iowa State went to any bowl games back then, so it was more of a fluke victory and not quite as satisfactory.

This year is different.

This year Nebraska is supposed to lose.

And if Iowa State does beat Nebraska Saturday, there are some long overdue changes I think need to be made.

First off, an Iowa State victory over Nebraska should mean the end of all Nebraska fans in Iowa. I see more Nebraska flags in Iowa than all other out-of-state teams combined.

I say we give them the boot. There is plenty of room in Nebraska for every Cornhusker fan to find a place and settle.

We don¡t need them. All they do is generate negative energy with their chants of Go Big Red.Œ

Next, I think that all those huge corn-fed linemen that end up at Nebraska need to come to an Iowa school.

Whether you¡re from Nebraska or not, if you grew up on a farm and can block three guys at the same time, you belong here.

In fact, any good recruit that ends up at Nebraska needs to realize that Iowa is really the place to be. Nebraska has had its day.

If the Cyclones emerge victorious, I think former Nebraska coach Tom Osborne needs to come to Iowa, and be paraded through the streets of Ames so we can all stand on the side of the road and laugh at him.

For years his teams demolished Iowa State, and it¡s time to show him that a new leaf has been turned in the Big 12 and in college football.

Eric Crouch must also hold a national press conference and admit that his Heisman trophy win was a fluke. And he has to give it back ¢ unless he gives professional football another try.

I don¡t care what anyone says, if you win the Heisman Trophy, you have to continue playing after college ¢ for at least a couple of seasons. Even if you do suck.

This is all I ask if Iowa State beats Nebraska.

I don¡t think these demands are too extreme, but knowing my luck, Nebraska will win and this column will just get shoved back in my face.

But if Iowa State does win, let me be the first to hold my middle finger stiffly to our neighbors to the west and say Go Big Red ¢go home.Œ

Kyle Moss

is a senior in journalism

and mass communication

from Urbandale.