Jerryn Johnston finally feels like he’s in control of his life.

Johnston, May graduate from Gilbert High School, was the target of several hate crimes after coming out in the fall of 1999.

The discriminatory acts led to Johnston’s depression and attempted suicide, he said.

“I was doing everything I possibly could to have some sort of control over what was happening to me,” Johnston said. “I wasn’t able to trust anyone.”

This month, Johnston was chosen as one of four recipients of the Matthew Shepard Scholarship, an annual honor awarded to distinguished openly gay and lesbian Iowa high-school students.

Scholarship winners receive four years of tuition, books and fees at one of the Regent schools.

Johnston, who will study theater at the University of Iowa in the fall, said receiving the scholarship was an “honor.”

“Receiving this scholarship in [Matthew Shepard’s] name is just such a privilege,” Johnston said.

Johnston attended classes part-time at Iowa State, and planned to attend Iowa for several reasons.

“I’ve lived in Ames my whole life,” Johnston said. “This way, I’ll be away from home but close enough I can come back.”

Johnston learned about Shepard’s death when looking for a topic for a speech class in 1998.

“When the situation was going on, it was about the same time I was searching for my own identity and trying to find out who I was,” he said. “I remember going online, reading the reports and just being in tears – just sobbing about the whole situation.”

Giving the speech about Shepard was something he had to do for himself, Johnston said.

“It was so hard for me to do the speech because I was dealing with these issues in my own life,” Johnston said.

The Matthew Shepard Scholarship was established in March 2000 by Gov. Tom Vilsack and Shepard’s mother, Judy Shepard.

Johnston first met Judy Shepard that March when she came to Iowa State, spreading the word about the life and death of her son.

“I went to see her with my own mom,” Johnston said. “I remember talking to [Judy Shepard] and giving her a hug – her message was one of hope as well as of pain.”

When Johnston learned he was a recipient of the scholarship, he was overwhelmed.

“I felt all these emotions at once,” he said. “I thought of Matthew and everything he went through, and I just didn’t know what to say.”

Johnston feels fortunate for the support he received from the Ames and ISU communities throughout his struggles in high school.

“I had so many people reach out to me when I needed help,” he said. “I’m not the first one to go through a situation like this, and I’m not the last one – hopefully now it will be a lot easier for other people.”

Todd Herriott, advisor of the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Ally Alliance, said Johnston’s struggles raised awareness for gay rights in the Ames and ISU communities.

“It made a lot of people start talking in the community,” Herriott said.”It also made LGBTAA people really appreciative of the support they do have here.”