The Monroe family had a feud roughly forty years ago, and things just haven’t been the same since.

It all started when one of the younger cousins got out of line, and Big Brother decided enough was enough. In fact, things are so bad they haven’t recognized one another officially since. No Christmas cards, no potlucks, nothing.

Whenever they do communicate, it’s through aging Uncle Jimmy, who acts as a go-between. Now he’s so fed up with both sides that during his last visit he finally spoke his piece and castigated both parties for their undying stubbornness and tortuous relations.

The Monroe family has an old agreement, a doctrine, really, that says whatever Big Brother says goes. He is, after all, the only wealthy tycoon in the family. In exchange for his nosing around in everyone else’s affairs – whom to marry, where to do business, how to raise the kids – Big Brother offers them a lot of kickbacks, like protection, toys and money.

All of this was fine for a couple of decades, until the younger cousin decided to tell Big Brother that he’d like to run his own life, thank you very much, and he couldn’t give a flip about losing out on all of Big Brother’s perks. He’d gotten another offer.

This was only exacerbated by the fact that they were such close neighbors and could shout at each other from their respective houses, especially that nasty spat in 1962. Occasionally, some of the cousin’s kids who thought daddy was off his rocker ran back to Uncle Big Brother, where they could sponge for a while but were still treated as unwanted stepchildren.

Over the years, the hatred fermented and coldness became a habit. It was obvious that the cousin wasn’t going to give up, and Big Brother was going to get absolutely nowhere with his hapless relative. Every once in a while, little things would bubble up, like that time Aunt Janet had to take care of that six-year-old one Easter weekend. She was not pleased.

Uncle Jimmy is getting old, but he is still willing to help settle this once and for all. This last time, he finally spelled out his feelings to both parties, calling their locked horns a “destructive state of belligerence” and urging the two groups to start dialogue and be creative in getting over whatever it was that started this mess in the first place. Jimmy told the cousin that things in Big Brother’s family weren’t perfect either, and he didn’t consider either party to be totally at fault.

Big Brother didn’t officially say much to Uncle Jimmy after he visited the ne’er-do-well cousin and extended the olive branch, but it was obvious that Big Brother was not pleased. While they will finally be able to mail Christmas cards to one another, Big Brother is holding out to win this feud, even if he has to do so by default when the black sheep cousin starts picking tulips with a stepladder.

Big Brother is so set on victory that most people in the extended family just accept the fact that normal relations might not be possible in their lifetime. That’s a sad fate for any family.

Or a hemisphere, for that matter.

Rachel Faber Machacha is a graduate student in international development studies from Emmetsburg.