When I chose to come to Hong Kong, I was in search of something more than just padding on a r‚sum‚. I was in search of my roots, or a part of my culture that was lost during the time I had grown up in that small Iowa town.

I also wanted to be able to know what it is like to seamlessly match the people around me, to not stick out so obviously within a predominantly blonde-haired population.

When I was younger, I used to dislike the fact that I was so different from everyone else. Eventually, as I grew up, I no longer hated being Chinese. Instead, the stereotypes bothered me. There has been more than one occasion where I have had to deal with comments about my superior math ability, or answer questions about what country I was born in, even though I was born in Nebraska. Although these stereotypes and comments are only put forth in ignorance, they have often served to make me feel that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to completely fit into the American society.

Eager to drop all the stereotypes that I often hear about Asians, I packed my bags, got on a plane and started a journey of self-discovery. At first, I felt at home among the familiar faces that resembled my own face.

However, I eventually realized how little I had in common with people here.

At first glance, I fit in perfectly. One would not guess that I am from America, especially after my new haircut. However, the instant I speak, everyone realizes that I am not from this place. Whenever a person tries to talk to me in Chinese, they are stunned to hear me reply in English.

Many people look caught off guard at first. They pause for a while, and their mouths slightly open and shout like a fish gulping for air as they struggle to find something to say in English. Often, they give a plastic smile, and apologize before proceeding or walking off. The ones that switch to English often have a slight questioning look in their face, as if to ask me why I look Chinese, but cannot speak the language.

Language is just one example of how I do not fit into Chinese culture. I am completely American in every single aspect besides my face. Many people here look at this with disapproval and even have a label for me in Chinese. This label, which translates as “hollow bamboo,” is in reference to the fact that on the outside I look like I am Chinese, but I have no culture on the inside. A few of my friends who can understand Chinese sometimes hear the students here make disrespectful comments about the exchange students that are American-born Chinese.

Being here has made me realize that no matter how hard I try, I will only be Chinese on the outside. I have never realized how American I am on the inside. I had just assumed that because these people look the same as me they were going to automatically respect me.

Having gone through my study abroad program has taught me a lot about my ordeal. I have learned a great deal about the Chinese culture in my classes as well as through interaction with the people here.

I have also learned a greater appreciation for this culture, as well as the American culture I grew up with. Though I appreciate the emphasis on individuality in American society, I also appreciate the emphasis on close-knit families of the Chinese society.

Coming over here, my goal was to gain a deeper understanding of myself and who I am, especially when it comes to my ethnicity.

I learned that I cannot simply have just an American culture or a Chinese culture to be able to fully understand myself and my roots. I learned that my roots are a mix of both cultures, intertwined with each other. As I finish the last week of my classes, and reflect on these past four months, I can only hope that I have accomplished the things I came here for.

Ariel Ringlein is a junior in management from Guthrie Center. She is in Hong Kong for the semester as part of the ISU study abroad program.