Iowa State University has always been known to supply a beautiful and safe campus for its students. But there is one evil aspect of Iowa State’s domain that is not mentioned at orientation. These black-hearted villains are every student’s worst nightmare.

Of course, these feathered scoundrels that I’m speaking of could only be those infamous crows. Not only are crows one of the ugliest birds on earth, but they also affect us here at Iowa State by lurking in the darkness of every tree, and making our campus filthy.

There are thousands and thousands of dollars spent every year at Iowa State to make the university a safer place. Emergency calling stations have been positioned around campus and lights have been put up along all walkways. With so much money invested in making the night life safer, I thought I would interview a few fellow ISU students and see what bothered them most about night life on campus. The results were staggering. Out of the eight students I interviewed, five were most bothered by crows.

And there is no need to explain why so many students fear these hideous creatures, for everyone has experienced their wrath, including myself. There is nothing worse than hearing their scornful screech from the treetops above, as thousands of white bombs filled with wretched gas begin to fall around you. Some students escape, most do not.

That is why it is time that we, the students of Iowa State, demand that Iowa State put an end to those miserable birds in some way or another and bring back order to the night life of our land-grant university. We have suffered enough, please President Geoffroy, please Iowa State University officials, bring down those birds.

Jason Cook

Freshman

Finance