I’m going out on a huge limb today. I realize that there are a great many ways to be unpopular. For instance, I could use my column to demand an end to the war in Afghanistan, or the legalization of same-sex marriage, or even that America should follow a policy of ethnic cleansing to solve the social security crisis. Those would all be moderately unpopular.

But this time I refuse to settle for that. This time I’m aiming high. This time, I’m recommending that we name a building after former ISU President Martin C. Jischke. I’m going to lock hands with the Board of Regents, smother them with hugs, and embrace the greatness that was Jischke.

Granted, I’m reluctant to settle for just naming a pithy honors building after the man. I’m in honors, and I realize that a lot of people look down on the honors program. How can we attach Jischke’s name to a building destined to be unpopular?

But, alas, the Board of Regents had to settle for that. I would guess that after they couldn’t put the names of Joseph Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Slobodan Milosevic or Pol Pot on the building, they had to settle for Marty. I admit that might be carrying it a little far. After all, at least Stalin knew how to share. He allocated an equal amount of death to each of his political enemies. Jischke just put the campus on a skewer, elevating part of the university over the rest. Iowa State University of Science and Technology became Iowa State University of Resentment at Having to Keep Non-Engineering Colleges.

He did also increase fundraising. He managed to do a great job making money, and only at the expense of everything else. What a deal!

He’s a man so wonderful his name has even become a verb. Everyone knows what it’s like to be Jischked. The Board of Regents has been Jischkeing us for years. It reminds me of “The Gong Show.” They just put up with you until they can’t take you anymore, and then they Jischke you.

Everyone who was here back in the good old days of Jischke has their own special memory of the man. If I may, though you’ll have to excuse me for getting choked up, I’d like to share mine.

The one and only time I met the man on a firsthand basis was during a scavenger hunt when a group I was in decided to ask him to sign a box, in order to enhance its value. Where other university presidents would have just slammed the door on us, Martin Jischke signed this empty cardboard box. Granted, he only did so with the greatest of reluctance, probably after he found he only had three shotgun rounds for the five of us, but still, it was an awe-inspiring moment for us all, by which I mean none of us. He was, in fact, as a man justifiably like he was as an administrator – gruff and uncaring. The difference was that to us he had a reason to be. However, to the six colleges outside of engineering, he had no right to be.

Nonetheless, it only makes sense that he gets at least one building, though most of us would have preferred it be the port-a-john on the honors building construction site. Or maybe the bus shelter, which I attempted to christen the Martin Jischke Indoor Outhouse back in my GSB days. Alas, it never reached a vote. Truly a shame, because like nearly every piece of legislation, it would have passed.

Those days are over, though. The Board of Regents want to name a building after him, and there’s nothing we can do. The man is a legend, a giant in his field.

Martin C. Jischke is Iowa State. He’s the Lex Luthor to our Superman, the Joker to our Batman, and of course, the Martin C. Jischke to our sense of integrity and academic achievement.

He needs to have a building named after him. It will stand as a reminder of just how little Iowa State and the Board of Regents really care about students and faculty. It’d be a nice sign for everyone interested in seeking education or employment here. Faculty Senate and GSB both voted in favor of renaming the building after someone who was not Jischke, and despite the undemocratic nature due to lack of participation in these groups, I’ve yet to find someone who disagrees who wasn’t intimately involved with slathering Jischke’s name on it from the outset. So, future profs, future students, come to Iowa State where your voice will be ignored as much as possible in favor of honoring individuals of questionable stature!

We can’t even blame President Geoffroy for letting this ball roll Bill-Buckner-style through his legs. He wasn’t here to see the effect Jischke had on students or faculty. All he has to work with is second-hand information from conflicting sources.

Jischke should have a building named after him just like Ronald Reagan should have a library. We want to remember our villains. Perhaps the Martin C. Jischke honors building will stand proudly, and serve as a reminder of what cost “excellence” has taken on Iowa State.

Regardless, even if the Board of Regents felt he desperately needed a building named after him, they could have just waited. They made Charles Frederiksen wait, before annoying nearly every resident of his court with a change of address that will take place in the next semester. What did Martin Jischke do that Charles Frederiksen didn’t? I know of only one thing that sets Jischke apart. He left Iowa State for a higher-paying job.

Granted, we do owe him a huge debt of gratitude for that, so maybe it was time for his building. We should be happy it’s only an honors building. The Board of Regents might just rename us Jischke State University if they’re given the chance. Somewhere, deep down in my heart, I hope they do.

After all, we’d finally have a football mascot that’ll strike fear into the hearts and wallets of people everywhere.

Tim Kearns is a senior in political science from Bellevue, Neb.