Does John Rocker need a new marketing firm? You be the judge.

The former off-the-charts racist and closer for the Atlanta Braves – I mean, we’re talking Pat Robertson slurrer of ethnicities here – spent his free time recently as a serial killer in a low-budget horror flick.

“The Greenskeeper” is scheduled for a May release and is expected to go straight to video.

Which is probably a good thing for Rocker.

He’s the guy who told reporters about his beef with New Yorkers, homosexuals, blacks, “white trash,” unwed mothers and immigrants.

At which point he went through counseling, endured the worst of what Shea Stadium offers, pitched poorly and got traded – twice.

Now with the chance to put it all behind him as a pitcher with the Texas Rangers, he spent his free time pulling out people’s spleens without their consent.

Yep.

Rocker definitely needs someone thinking for him.

And if he has that, he or she needs to think better.

Of course, the flip side is that he or she already is.

Rocker pitched worse the second half of last season than Ron Popeil on acid – that late-night infomercial guy who wants you to buy his Veg-O-Matic.

After his trade from the Braves in June – where he saved 19 games, second best in the majors – Rocker saved four for the remainder of the season with the Cleveland Indians while making eight more appearances.

His ERA jumped from 3.09 to 5.45.

Rocker stunk.

And maybe he knew it.

Maybe he wanted to launch another lucrative career if his accuracy with the four-seamer left him. (And judging by last season, it’s booked its flight.)

And what’s a better launch pad than controversy?

Sharon Stone spread her legs. Why can’t John Rocker inflict horror?

And the fact that “The Greenskeeper” is a low-budget film proves he’s willing to start low and climb high.

So if Dream Works doesn’t call him back, maybe TNT will.

Or the WWF.

The WWF is probably most likely because any low-budget movie is tough to pull off.

And low-budget horror is tougher than a moose steak at McDonald’s.

In fact, comedy is the only way I can think of to make B-rated horror work.

It can’t get any worse, and it could be as funny as other athletes in other forms of entertainment.

Charles Barkley may or may not have read his autobiography.

In “Kazaam,” Shaquille O’Neal played a 3,000-year old genie released from his inhibiting boom box.

Really. That’s the plot line.

And Brian Bosworth, the former mad man of a linebacker at Oklahoma, stars in such movies as “Stone Cold” and “Mach II” on Showtime at 3 a.m. on Wednesdays.

So really, how bad could John Rocker be?

Probably not very if “the Greenskeeper’s” even remotely funny.

I watched a horror movie in fourth grade that I’ve since forgotten the title of.

What I do remember is the screaming teenager crawling backwards as the goblin or demon or whatever crouches, scoffs and shuffles still closer.

Panicked, she reaches for a Barbie Doll and begins to stab remorselessly at the little devil’s eyes.

He is helpless to this onslaught, and the screaming teenager wins the day.

At the time I was relieved. And awed.

The toys my sister plays with are also weapons of mass destruction.

That’s the sort of effect good second-rate horror should strive for.

Think about it. What would have happened if Barbie’s corvette was nearby?

What if Ken showed up?

Well, the offspring of Freddie Krueger and Jason just may have thought twice about joining the cast, that’s what.

Which is one thing I’ve failed to mention.

Rocker stars alongside Christi Taylor, whose photos have made the cover of Playboy many times and who was named the 1999 Lingerie Model of the Year.

For a guy like Rocker, hell any guy, working next to Taylor isn’t a bad thing to have on the resume.

Especially if this season falls through.

Paul Kix is a junior in journalism and mass communications from Hubbard. He is the sports senior reporter for the Daily.